ADULTS ONLY<\/p>\n
Contains explicit male\/male sex, BDSM, and disturbing themes.<\/em><\/p>\n Pairing: Mulder\/Krycek\/Krycek<\/p>\n Summary: Alex Krycek finds himself face-to-face with another version of himself in an alternate universe\u00e2\u20ac\u201da very dangerous and seductive Alex Krycek. Alex quickly realizes he may not live to see the morning, much less ever return to his own world.<\/p>\n 1999<\/p>\n Disclaimer: The X-Files belong to Chris Carter and Ten-Thirteen Productions. No infringement is intended.<\/p>\n DAY FOUR<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n It would have been nice, Krycek thought as he turned his back on the World Trade Center and headed north for home, if he could believe that there was no crisis waiting for him there. He felt a peculiar certainty that there was. Not a big crisis: no death or disaster, but nevertheless some kind of unpleasantness that required his attention. There was no reason for the feeling, but it was there, and impossible to ignore.<\/p>\n It was annoying: he was in no particular rush to be indoors again. A front had come through during the night; he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d felt the winds just after midnight, felt the floors rock a little under his feet (about 14 inches of sway in the structure here on the sixty-fourth floor, more than enough for the body to perceive), heard the noise of it outside the great glass walls. Then there had been the sunrise: sharp golds and violets on the East River, the bluffs far north on the Hudson visible and precise in the clear blue air, puffy fair-weather clouds riding the upper winds: mountain weather, down from New England. New York City only got this a few times a year, and it always made him want to drop everything, get a car and just start driving north\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 and failing that, he at least wanted to be outside.<\/p>\n The light, the hard clear air, made a perfect counterpoint to the night he had just spent. It had been an exhilarating eleven hours, watching the situation balance just on the sharp edge of emergency. It was intricate, absorbing work: you needed to get a solid feel for what was happening, fast, and then to hang onto that feel as information came in, changing your options, turning the sensible contingency plans of ten minutes ago into formulas for disaster. You needed to respond to every bit of information instantly, and to get it right the first time: a single error would infect the whole model, multiply itself as time went by and your decisions took you further and further away from it; and you couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know whether you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d gotten it right unless the worst happened and you had to act. It was the kind of work he loved, the real reason not to give this up in favor of something that wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get him killed some day. (Nice that Dowling had called him, too. If Dowling wanted you, that was proof enough you were on a fast track.)<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u201dOn the other hand, he was on his way home to a harem that was more than sufficient compensation for the weather. And what had the harem been up to while he was hard at work? Fucking each other senseless, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d hoped. It had seemed safe enough to leave them to it: they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d looked happy and comfortable with each other when they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d come back from their shopping trip. Certainly Little Brother had been more comfortable with Mulder than he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d ever been with Krycek. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d thought that having to leave might even be a lucky break. With Krycek not around to frighten Alex out of his wits, perhaps Mulder could get him to relax, make him feel safe enough that he could get himself under some kind of control. It would be nice to have seen the last of those screaming fits.<\/p>\n But if he believed his nerves, things hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t worked out that way. And Krycek normally believed his nerves\u00e2\u20ac\u201djust because you couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t articulate a conclusion, or the reasons behind a set of anxieties, didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean that the less articulate parts of your mind hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been looking at the information available and come up with an accurate appraisal. Less articulate didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean stupid; trusting his nerves had saved his life more than once. Still, it was hard to see why he should be getting the warnings now, when he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t had a hint of them when he left his apartment last night.<\/p>\n Unless there hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been anything wrong when he left, in which case either he was so tired he was jumping at ghosts or he was reacting to something that had happened since he left. The former looked more probable on its face, but he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t normally start seeing imaginary dangers when he was short on sleep. And if the latter were impossible, well, so was Little Brother, wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he? There was that feeling of connection that Alex had talked about: if that were real, perhaps it was a channel for information, and that was where he was getting whatever he was reacting to.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n He was coming up on The Urban Bird. As always, he paused for a moment to watch the parrots and macaws, uncaged and sleek and looking exceedingly improbable here on West Broadway, with nothing between them and the street but a sheet of plate glass. (If they were to escape, would they become naturalized into the city\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ecology, as Chicago\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s monk parakeets had? He could see it clearly, flocks of four-foot-long birds colonizing the parks, screeching and dive-bombing children. People would love them; the Parks Service would never be able to get rid of them, no matter how much of a disaster they were for the urban ecosystem.) He made a mental note to find out whether the birds would survive a New York winter; someone at the office would know. Then he was off again, moving fast, cutting around endless little knots of slow-moving people (it was like being a racing car on an Autobahn filled with 18-wheelers and Honda Civics; and why did New Yorkers walk so bloody slowly, anyway?)<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u201dThat connection with Alex. Alex was sure it was real, and while he might be scared and jumpy and inclined toward melodrama, he was far from stupid. Hell, Alex hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been able to spend the afternoon away from the apartment without wanting to run home to Big Brother. Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s own reaction to the afternoon\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s separation could be explained without recourse to paranormal phenomena: it was obvious why he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d worried about sending Alex out into the world, and why he felt easier when he returned. But perhaps Alex was right after all, and the logical explanation was wrong. Because tonight, when Alex was safe at home and Krycek was hard at work, there was still something. Not an urge, exactly. Not a desire to run home, not a worry about what Alex might be up to. What was it, exactly? He worried at it, trying to define it. An awareness, at odd moments, that he was not alone. A sense that part of him was elsewhere. A stray emotion or feeling that popped up for no real reason. Like that sudden rush of arousal that hit him at around four A.M.\u00e2\u20ac\u201djust the briefest flash of black leather and bondage and a sensation of physical fullness. It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t him; it had to be Alex.<\/p>\n And if there was a psychic connection, what then? The mental link was all very well for now, but it would be dangerous for both of them in the long term. He needed to know that his mind and senses were telling him the truth\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhis own truth, not somebody else\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. This might very well wind up being a long-term problem, too. How likely were they, really, to able to figure out a way to send Alex across the dimensions to another universe? He could follow the discussion he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had with Mulder about the theoretical basis for the existence of alternate realities (and Alex had seemed to understand it without even half listening\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthere was a clever mind under all that melodrama, and damn, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like to see him start using it), but none of them had a clue as to how any of it might actually be applied to a practical solution. Chances were good that Alex was stuck here.<\/p>\n In which case, the psychic connection, if it existed, wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to be the only problem. If he were trapped in this universe, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d need a whole new life. That could be done: it was done, and fairly routinely. Establishing an identity for him would be no problem\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthat was the sort of thing Krycek could do ten times before breakfast. Get him a job, a place to live\u00e2\u20ac\u201dtoo bad he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work for the Bureau, but even if Skinner and the handful of others he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d dealt with during his masquerade as a G-man could be persuaded to look the other way, his own current status as the Shop\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s FBI liaison made that impossible\u00e2\u20ac\u201dnone of this would pose any sort of difficulty.<\/p>\n The hard part was Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s appearance. No one was going to look at the two of them and believe that they weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t related. So, either establish an identity as some sort of long-lost Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwhich wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite so easy and never mind trying to explain it to his mother or his sisters\u00e2\u20ac\u201dor send him away somewhere where Krycek wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t known and the resemblance wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter. Which was really the most sensible solution. But Krycek didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like it. He was sure Alex wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like it. And even if he did\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/p>\n Even if he did, what are you going to do about the fingerprints?<\/em> And there was the core of the matter, the issue he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to think about. He couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let Alex go far. Alex had his body; Alex could impersonate him, and every objective test would confirm the borrowed identity. Give him a few months to study Krycek, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be able to get the personality more or less right, too, and no one would even question him. And how long would Krycek be willing to live in the shadows of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s life, if their situations were reversed? Yes, he trusted Alex, more or less; but the stakes were too high for both of them. So what the hell was he going to do? Yes, and by the way,<\/em> his mind whispered to him, once you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got that one figured out, how do you intend to protect him from the Consortium and the Shop both? He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll need to be protected all the time he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s here, remember?<\/em><\/p>\n He remembered. But he was getting ahead of himself: there were a lot more immediate concerns to deal with. Like getting those damned implants out of him\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand Krycek was sure that was going to be another crisis, considering how upset Alex had gotten just talking about it. Finding a way to deal with Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s contacts without compromising either Mulder or the contacts themselves. Deciding whether to bring Dana in on it. And what were the chances they were going to be able to get through this without stirring up Cancerman and his group again? He wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind it for himself\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhell, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d love to have the chance to try to take that bastard down. But again, it would be dangerous, and a danger he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to expose Alex to. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be damned if that black-lunged son of a bitch was going to have another Alex Krycek to harass.<\/p>\n And besides all that, there was Alex himself. He was going to have to stop making assumptions about what Alex wanted and learn who this Alex Krycek really was before he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d reduced the man to a gibbering idiot. Maybe, if he were lucky, Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d picked up some useful information tonight. It might help to know what Alex was like in bed when he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hopelessly intimidated. Too bad they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had to start out the way they did\u00e2\u20ac\u201da certain amount of fear was quite enjoyable where there was strength underneath it. But it was useless to have him at such a disadvantage he was in constant terror of his life. You wanted him to be able to talk to you. You wanted to know that he could stand up for himself. And if he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t, you wanted to stop playing games with him, because it was dangerous and unfair.<\/p>\n Except that Alex wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to let him stop playing games with him. Every time Krycek began to back off, there Alex was, practically sitting in his lap. He wanted Alex, yes, that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the issue\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut Christ, he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been able to fuck him yet without causing some kind of crisis. And it was just too goddamn tempting to eat up all that pain and helplessness, take control, play it his way. Tempting, and easy: Alex responded to all the cues, and there were never any danger signals. Alex never showed any reluctance once things had started; he never drew back or tried to redirect the game; he handed Krycek everything he asked for: you couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know anything was wrong until it was over and suddenly Alex was sobbing into a pillow and refusing to look at you. You could tell yourself that Alex would wind up stronger for it, and it was true; but it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be the kind of strength Alex wanted. He knew it; and he thought Alex knew it, too. He and Alex were going to have to find some other way to live with each other.<\/p>\n So he was going to have to teach Alex to trust him, which meant he was going to have to make himself trustworthy. He had to figure out what hurt Alex, so he could stop doing it. And he was going to have to do all this while the guy was so jumpy and scared he wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell you a thing, and so damned impulsive he wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stop throwing himself at your feet, despite the pain he kept putting himself through. You could tell him you weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to fuck him anymore, at least until he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d pulled himself together, but you knew he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d take it the wrong way and assume he was being punished and it would just make things worse. Or you could forget the domination and just fuck him\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut he wanted the domination at least as much as you wanted to give it to him, you just had to figure out a way to do it so it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make the guy completely miserable, and damn it anyway, he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to just go through the motions of sex because he was afraid of doing the wrong thing. He took pride in being able to tailor the emotional and sensual experience to his lovers\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 particular needs, and damned if he was going to let himself be defeated by one scared man with the same body as his.<\/p>\n And he was going to have to get some sleep. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had, what, maybe six hours altogether since Alex had arrived three days ago? He was running on adrenaline and sheer willpower, and even though he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel in the least bit sleepy, he knew his thought processes were beginning to crisp around the edges, his natural tendency toward restraint was crumbling, and if he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t crash soon, he was likely to do something that would have both his pets cowering in the corner. He smiled slightly to himself at the image. And what a pretty pair of pets he had\u00e2\u20ac\u201dMulder, lean and elegant, complicated and sensual; and Alex, earthy and impossibly innocent, fey and exuberant. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d considered, briefly, putting Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eating habits on his list of lessons\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwork off those extra pounds, uncover the muscles he could feel beneath that slight layer of fat. But he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d decided fairly quickly that the body was right for Alex. The padding made him look younger, enhanced his apparent innocence. And his butt was round and comfy and just made for fucking. It would be nice to think Alex had tailored his body that way on purpose, just for that deliciously fuckable bottom. But he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see Alex as having enough self-discipline to do something like that deliberately. More\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the pity. Make that one of his lessons, anyway.<\/p>\n But lessons would have to wait, he thought, as he turned into the front doorway of his building and headed for the elevator. The first order of business today was to find out what arrangements Mulder had made for getting Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s implants removed. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d thought they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have time to settle that last night, but first Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s \u00e2\u20ac\u0153apology\u00e2\u20ac\u009d had intervened, and then this other crisis had called him away. He leaned back against the wall of the elevator and smiled. One thing Alex didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need lessons in was sucking dick. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d made a good effort, too, letting Krycek see how hard he was working to please him. And he gave Mulder a good ride while he was at it. But he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d also scared himself to tears before he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been able to settle down to his blow job, and Krycek didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like seeing him work himself up like that.<\/p>\n Anyway, implants first. Then get Mulder cracking on studying the UFO literature, see if there were any other reports of abductees being returned to the wrong universe. He, himself, would see about finding a physicist to consult, someone who really knew what this quantum theory nonlocality stuff was all about. Sit Alex in front of his computer and get him searching the Internet for relevant information. Get some of that ozone crackling in here, get the team moving, start solving some problems.<\/p>\n He stepped off the elevator into the apartment. And sure enough, you could read the sad story from the little tableau in the living room: Mulder stretched out on the couch on his side staring glassy-eyed at the small television, which was blaring away some random sports event that he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t possibly be interested in. Alex sitting with his knees drawn up in the easy chair farthest from the couch, book open in his lap, obviously not reading. So much for them getting each other relaxed and saving him some of the work.<\/p>\n Mulder immediately got up and went to turn off the television\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe knew Krycek didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like it on, and rarely let him watch it while he was here. But there was a sullen look in his eyes as he did so. Mulder was definitely going to need some attention soon\u00e2\u20ac\u201dKrycek had only had the one chance all weekend so far to work on him. And he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d already been in bad shape when he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d walked in on Friday. It was rotten timing all around. But there was nothing to be done about it. Mulder was strong enough to wait, and so he was going to have to go on waiting for at least a little while longer. Alex had to come first for the time being. When Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been kidnapped by aliens, fitted with implants, and dropped into the wrong universe, he could have all the attention.<\/p>\n Mulder came up to Krycek. There was a strange look in his eyes; intense, questioning and slightly bruised. It reminded Krycek of early days with Mulder, when he was still horrified and thrilled and shocked by every touch, frightened by the strength of his desire. He took Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand in his and kissed it; gently at first, as if not quite sure what it would feel like, then pressing it hard to his lips. Then he stood next to Krycek, ranging himself at Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder, like a first lieutenant at his commander\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s side.<\/p>\n Ranged against poor Alex, who had put down his book and stood, a pained and uneasy look on his face.<\/p>\n Things had obviously not gone well here last night. No one\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fault. It looked like Mulder had been thinking again\u00e2\u20ac\u201dnot at all surprising, with an extra Alex Krycek around to fret over, someone to make him doubt and question and overanalyze everything. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d come to some sort of crisis himself, and it would have to be dealt with. But not now. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153All right, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got work to do. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve wasted enough time.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You had time to go shopping, apparently,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder muttered.<\/p>\n No, Mulder wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t happy. The tone, as well as the sarcasm, begged for a reaction. But Krycek would let this one pass. He kept his eyes on Alex, still standing unhappily across the room, while he spoke to Mulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have liked for me to come straight home,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said mildly. Actually, it was good that Mulder had reminded him: he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d managed to forget the shopping bag in his hand. Yes, he needed sleep, and soon. He caught Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eye and smiled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Bought you a present,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said, and tossed the bag across the room.<\/p>\n Alex caught it one-handed, and pulled out the black leather jacket from the bag. His eyes widened until it seemed they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d consume his whole face. He reddened. A tight little smile hardened on his mouth. He stared at the jacket, biting his lips.<\/p>\n Krycek turned back to Mulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Actually, I was working,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t keep your alliances in order, people send you to work in the basement. You of all people should know that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n And that was only the truth. Even if he weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fond of Sheila\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand he was\u00e2\u20ac\u201dshe was a good, powerful ally, with connections to people he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t talk to himself. She hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t had time last week to tell him all about her latest Relationship Disaster, and she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d wanted to go spend some money. So they had made the inevitable trip across the street to Century 21; and there the jacket had been. Beautiful supple deerskin, clean lines, removable lining in a kind of dark shearling that might as well have been fur. His size, all of $325 at the classic Century 21 eighty percent discount; and he had known Alex would love it. It was a moment\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s impulse, but it made perfect sense\u00e2\u20ac\u201dAlex did<\/em> need a jacket, and it would be a way of showing Alex he really was not the enemy.<\/p>\n Alex was still turning the jacket over in his hands. He looked up at Krycek. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take this.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek walked over to him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, you can. No arguments. Now put it on and let me see.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex nodded obediently and slipped into the jacket. The feel was dead right, simple and classic and quietly expensive. It was something you could wear every day, almost everywhere. Something you could live in.<\/p>\n And Alex looked like he intended to live in it. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d pulled it tightly around himself, hands stuffed in the pockets, hugging it like a lover. He stood a little taller in it. His eyes shone. The smile was still tight, but a little wider.<\/p>\n Krycek put his hands on Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You look good in it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And he did, too. Black was a good color for him\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhow could it not be? It was one of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s favorites. It set off his pale skin and dark hair. The shiny leather enhanced his fey innocence, brought out the spark of danger, which in Alex was more sensual than scary. Yes, it had been a good purchase. He smiled at Alex, letting his approval show. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t usually lavish praise on his lovers, preferring to make them work hard for their treats. But Alex had been beaten down too hard by the events of the past few days. His submission had a little too much of real fear and desperation in it. He needed to be pampered and petted for a while, built up until he was strong enough for rougher games. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You look good, Little Brother.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lip began to tremble. His eyes filled with tears. He opened his mouth to speak several times, but no words came out. Krycek watched him struggle against the tide of his unruly emotions. Then the tears spilled out, and he fell into Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arms.<\/p>\n And that was the reaction he wanted: Alex crying for him, sharing his pain. Tears that drove him into Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arms, not away from him. He stroked Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back, inhaling the tangy scent of the new leather. Even through the leather he could feel the heat of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body. Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s erection pressed against his thigh. He smiled in amused affection. Alex didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do anything in moderation, did he? Every touch was a hard-on. Every emotion was a stormcloud. Yes, he needed that discipline badly. But he needed it to help him get himself under control, not to drive him farther out of it.<\/p>\n And even Alex could be indulged too far. Gently, he began to disentangle himself.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I thought you were in a hurry to get to work.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice was harsh and laced with sarcasm. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know fashion shows were part of the job.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t turn to look at him right away. First, he smiled gently at Alex, taking his time to make sure Alex was all right. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d flinched when Mulder spoke, but recovered quickly, smiling back at Krycek, wiping the tears from his cheeks with his fingers. Good.<\/p>\n Now Mulder. That first remark he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been willing to dismiss\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthey were all feeling the strain of the situation, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d thought that putting in some time making progress on dealing with it would be the best course of action. But this new jab could not be let pass. Mulder was begging for attention. Perhaps it was time he got some.<\/p>\n He turned, still smiling, but he let his smile go cold. Mulder saw it immediately: he froze, eyes darkening in a mixture of arousal and fear, breath catching in his throat. It was, as always, a beautiful sight. He let himself savor it, but only for a moment. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to give Mulder a chance to say anything.<\/p>\n He stepped up to Mulder and without warning slapped him, hard, across the face. He watched Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body reel from the blow, watched him struggle to keep his feet. Behind him, he heard Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s gasp of shock\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand was there something besides shock in that inrush of air?\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut he ignored it. Soon enough, Little Brother, but this moment is for Mulder. He loves it when I slap him, begs me to beat him. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give him this pleasure often, but I love to watch him when I do.<\/em><\/p>\n Mulder stood, his entire body trembling in response, eyes gone almost completely black, rosy handprint developing on his cheek. His voice was a rough whisper. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek reached out to stroke the red mark on Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face. He could see Mulder forcing himself not to flinch, then the slight shiver passing through him as he offered himself to Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s touch. This would be enough for Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe could safely leave him standing here for hours now, in ecstasy on the strength of that one slap. But Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s response to being hit was too good to pass up. With the palm of his hand pressed against Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cheek to feel the heat of the slap mark, he slid his other hand around the back of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck, pressing his thumb into Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s throat, and pulled Mulder to him for a long, deep kiss. He added just enough pressure from his thumb to restrict Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s breathing, give him a little taste of asphyxiation along with the kiss. Mulder whimpered a little into his mouth, then his eyes fluttered closed and he gave himself up to it.<\/p>\n It was delicious; as heady as fine champagne, and Krycek let it go on far longer than he should, drinking in Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s surrender, sweet and delicate and fine.<\/p>\n Finally, he pulled away. Mulder stood with his lips parted, reddened and moist from the kiss, his eyes hazy and unfocussed. Krycek looked over his shoulder at Alex, who was staring with eyes impossibly wide, his own mouth open, erection obvious in his jeans.<\/p>\n Well. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d meant to settle Mulder down, get Alex happy in his jacket, then put the team to work. But what the hell. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d told Mulder he was on vacation this weekend; maybe they could all<\/em> use a little vacation. Mulder was obviously on edge; Alex had never stopped being stressed; and he\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwell, he knew perfectly well that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d all be better off if he came down from the adrenaline with a little fucking and then got some sleep, rather than pushing everyone to work.<\/p>\n It would be tricky. He needed to master his own impulses and make himself think. If it were not for the situation, if he had only his own gratification to consider, he would play out this thing he had started with Mulder. Mulder stimulated the imagination: you could toy with him, watch him respond to all the little nuances of whatever you did to him, and count on inspiration to strike. But his inspirations (particularly in this mood, particularly with Mulder) had a cruelty to them that would probably frighten Alex, and undo whatever progress he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just made. (They would frighten Mulder, too, but that would be all to the good. Mulder loved and needed to be seriously frightened from time to time: it kept his lesser, day-to-day fear of Krycek fresh and real, and it had probably been too long since he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d last had that.)<\/p>\n It was a pity: this was something he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like to be able to share with Alex. He could sit down, have Mulder lie with his head in his lap, play with his throat, talk to Alex across his body while Mulder groveled under his hands. And then, in a little while, he would know what he wanted next, and how he intended to take it.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 The picture was becoming too clear, too tempting. He pushed it aside, with some effort. Perhaps Alex could come to appreciate that sort of thing, in time, but unsteady as he was right now, it was out of the question. Better stick to the game Alex knew; something he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d feel comfortable with.<\/p>\n There were possibilities there, after all. Mulder had been pushing to be shown some of the classic S\/M moves practically from the beginning. Krycek didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really blame him: he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never had Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chances to explore, and the whips and restraints and ritual words of the leather scene held a powerful archetypal appeal. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d wanted to preserve that magic for Mulder, the way you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d preserve a child\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s belief in the power of a stage magician\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wand, by not letting him get close enough to see the thinness of the tricks, the strings and wires and tawdry artifice behind the illusion. But if he were careful, maybe he could show Mulder some of the classic game and still hold the illusions in place for him. Satisfy him, and give Alex what he wanted, too. Alex would have to get the lion\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s share of the attention, but Mulder was used to being teased and denied\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe could make that part of the experience, and Mulder would be content. Yes, he thought he could manage it. He smiled slowly to himself. It was a challenge, and yes, he liked being made to work for his pleasure, too.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153All right, Mulder. This one is a classic, and you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve dropped enough hints about wanting the classic treatment. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not sure how well you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll like it, though.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He let a little affection back into his smile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Uhm. I did say that you were on vacation, right?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah. You did.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lips quirked just a little, returning the smile. Krycek felt the reestablished connection settle solidly into place. Good: whatever happened from here, Mulder would be fine.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all right, then,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. He let his face harden again, put the chill back into his voice. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Actually, maybe you will like this. Considering your video collection, and all. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not going to let you come. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not going to touch you. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to let you stand here and watch while I fuck Alex.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He turned abruptly and returned to Alex, not waiting to see Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s reaction. The casual cruelty would be another slap, and Mulder would enjoy it just as he had the physical blow. Now, any lack of attention to Mulder would be seen as part of the scene, rather than neglect.<\/p>\n Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes were still wide. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all right, Alex,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said gently, taking him into his arms. He turned Alex slowly, until he could see Mulder over Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder. He wanted to watch Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s reactions; there was no need for Alex to. He wondered what it looked like to Mulder: two Alex Kryceks in each other\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arms.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 They would look like twins embracing. Did Mulder find it arousing? There had been a photo spread in Playboy<\/em> some years back\u00e2\u20ac\u201didentical twin women; sisters holding each other, touching each other\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s naked bodies. It had a special and exotic erotic appeal. Perhaps it was the ultimate sexual fantasy\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbeing able to make love with yourself, knowing exactly what you wanted, and having another body to give it to you. Masturbation, between two people. Well, wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t that what Alex had said, the moment they met? But it hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t worked out that way. They hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t known what the other wanted; they had both made mistakes. So, if it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t masturbation, what was it? Incest? He kissed Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair, smiling, mulling it over in his mind. Alex pressed his face into Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck, making pleased little mewing noises.<\/p>\n No, it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite incest, either. Incest would be sleeping with one of his sisters, which wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the same as having sex with Alex at all. This was some completely new category, something without a name. And, as sex between alternate universe doppelgangers wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t an every day occurrence, it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t likely to acquire one. He and Alex would have to name it themselves.<\/p>\n Not masturbation\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut there was something of masturbation in it. Something about the instant heat between them, the fact that having sex was never questioned, the way the roles had been established without discussion. The basics of the relationship had been there from the start, it was in the details that they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d failed.<\/p>\n But he had access to some of the details, too, didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he? That moment early this morning, vague and hazy as it was, seemed to have been a direct look into Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mind and Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s desires. If he could connect with that moment, experience it, study it, perhaps he could understand exactly what it was that Alex wanted. If it had been a true moment of connection, and not just a sleep-starved mind\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s drift into pornographic fantasy, based on what he knew about Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tastes.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What were you doing at four this morning?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He saw the reaction in Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes, at the same time he felt the twitch in Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body. Surprise? Curiosity? Something<\/em> had been going on here at four A.M. Had the two of them been fucking?<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I was thinking about you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex said.<\/p>\n Not fucking, then, or Alex wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have said that. Alex was a generous lover; he did his best to please, in his own way, and would never announce to Mulder that he was thinking of someone else while they had sex. But it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just a wet dream or a private fantasy, either, or Mulder wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know about it. Had Alex awakened with a hard-on, and decided to do something about it? Gone solo, not wanting to wake Mulder, not realizing that Mulder was already awake? Yes, that seemed likely. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d check with Mulder later, privately, to make sure, but for now, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d assume he was right. And what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d gotten this morning was a true flash of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s masturbation fantasy.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I was thinking about you, too. I thought of you in black leather.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He stroked the leather on Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back, concentrating on the images in his mind. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153With your hands tied behind your back.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He pulled away from the embrace slightly, so he could take Alex by the arms, sliding his hands down to Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrists, then put his arms around Alex, holding his wrists together behind his back. It was a slight risk\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwhat Alex wanted in fantasy might be too frightening in reality. But it was all right\u00e2\u20ac\u201dAlex leaned into him, sighing, making no attempt to free his arms.<\/p>\n Then he was going to need his bag of tricks. Time to let Mulder play.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder, go to the bedroom and get my case out of the closet.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He stepped away from Alex to speak to Mulder; Alex remained exactly as he left him, wrists crossed behind his back, eyes wide, completely malleable and accepting. There wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the rush of pain in it that made Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s surrender so poignant, but Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s open submission had its own appeal.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, and Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder stopped in his tracks, tensing. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Undress, if you like. Try to make me change my mind about touching you by being as beautiful and desirable and obedient as you know how to be. We both know it won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work, but you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re welcome to try.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder nodded, swallowing hard, the rest of his face reddening to match the handprint on his cheek. Of course he would do it. It would be especially effective since Krycek had no intention of undressing either himself or Alex. He wanted Alex in his pretty leather jacket, and the rules of the game as Alex played it said that the top must not wear less clothing than his bottom.<\/p>\n It was tiresome, all those rules. All that sameness, unvarying ritual, bagsful of equipment, the uniform\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit was absurd and tacky; it left no room for imagination, for individuality, for discovering your lover\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s deepest secrets. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d tired of the leather scene quickly, himself, and moved on to invent his own game. Somehow, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d assumed that it would be the same for Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u201dif he was into leather, it was because he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t yet discovered anything better. But perhaps that was wrong. Perhaps Alex had found exactly what he wanted in the rules and rituals of the S\/M scene. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like to ask Alex to describe to him exactly what it was he got out of it\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe restraints, the whips, the ritual words\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut it was clear that Alex had difficulty talking about what he wanted. So for now, at least, he would have to watch Alex carefully and depend on these little flashes of Alex-ness he received.<\/p>\n Mulder returned with the case, and yes, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d taken off his clothes. His body was fine; lean and firmly muscled, sculpted just the way Krycek wanted it. A rich, complex play of emotions described his face: pain and longing, reluctance and desire, need and denial. Mulder was a vast and vital vein of psychological ore, difficult and challenging and endlessly rewarding. He smiled.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Bring it over here.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek put a hand on the back of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck and led him behind the couch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Put it down and open it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder carried the case to the couch and set it down where Krycek had indicated. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d brought the lube and condoms as well, and laid them beside the case, tenderly, almost reverently. His hands trembled slightly as he opened the case.<\/p>\n Krycek leaned forward, resting his forearms on the back of the couch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Go ahead, look through them.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He watched as Mulder handled the objects. Krycek doubted he knew what all of them were. He picked up one of the butt plugs and handed it to Mulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is the one he used on you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes widened. He held the plug in his hand, turning it, stroking the smooth, fleshy silicone object. There was fascination in his face; hot desire, and yes, disappointment. Poor Mulder, with his fevered fantasies all out of proportion with any kind of reality. He would have been hoping to find that it was some huge, Brobdingnagian object, not the smallest of the plugs in the case. Nevertheless, Mulder would be begging him for it now. He wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let him have it; at least not until he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d put him through a nice, long tease. But it would be fun to hear him beg.<\/p>\n Still, he had told Mulder that he was on vacation. Krycek reached into the case, and found the dog collar. Black leather an inch wide, covered with square chrome studs. Gaudy and ridiculous. He handed it to Mulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Put it on.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n But there was nothing ridiculous about the way Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands trembled as he buckled the collar around his neck; or the inky darkness of the pleasure in his eyes. He tightened it a notch past comfort, sighing roughly through the constriction at his throat. Krycek drank in one long look at his favorite lover and possession, then turned his attention back to his black leather other self.<\/p>\n Still wrapped up tight in his new jacket, as though it would protect him from all wrong. Blinking and staring, already damp with sweat, the heat poured off him. Excitement was evident; so was fear. And pain. He couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take his eyes off Mulder, naked in a dog collar. No good hoping he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d get over seeing his own Mulder every time he looked at Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s; he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just have to learn to deal with it. Try to help him to stop feeling that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d betrayed his Mulder. Give him some hope they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be able to work it out, if he ever managed to get home. That was all they could do; Mulder couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help being Mulder.<\/p>\n And get his mind off Mulder, right now. Krycek slid two fingers into the waistband of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s jeans.<\/p>\n The reaction was instantaneous and complete. Alex turned to him with a moaning sigh, open and unresisting. Alex was his. It was more than game; more than personality dynamics; more than the precariousness of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s situation. It was something primal and basic\u00e2\u20ac\u201dsomething on a cellular level that made Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s existence his. That couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be helped, either, any more than Mulder could help being Mulder. And it was an interesting dichotomy: while Mulder longed to be owned, and was doomed to be unable to achieve the reality, Alex struggled to stake out a little space of Alex-ness, which could exist only on Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sufferance.<\/p>\n And he must allow Alex that space; more, he must give it to him, insist on it, convince Alex that it was his and he would not take it away. Regardless of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s insecurities and sexual tastes, he must be convinced that Krycek would not usurp his autonomy.<\/p>\n So, every move must be carefully calculated to give Alex what he wanted, without taking too much. Krycek reached out to stroke Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face, thoughtfully, while he worked the buttons of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s jeans open with the other hand. Eyes half-closed, he concentrated on connecting with that brief early morning flash of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fantasy.<\/p>\n There was bondage in it; tight, constricting leather that held him immobile. Alex liked being tied up, that much was clear. Hell, it was one of the first things Alex had said to him, under the influence of drugs and with no reason to lie about it. So give him a little taste of it\u00e2\u20ac\u201dnot enough to frighten him, just enough to give him the feeling he liked.<\/p>\n He turned Alex around, then, with a hand on Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck, urged him to bend over until his chest was resting on the back of the couch. No resistance here; no tension or reluctance. But that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t always a sure sign with Alex. So take it slow, and tell him what you were doing.<\/p>\n No. Tell Mulder. Keep Mulder involved, and take the pressure off Alex. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder, hand me a couple of those cuffs, and one of the straps.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder complied, and Krycek began to buckle the cuffs onto Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrists. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alex likes being tied up. So I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to let him have a little bondage.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He held Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrists together behind his back and wrapped the strap around the cuffs, then reached over Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder to stroke his cheek. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s his turn, I think, to have things the way he likes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Then he pushed Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s jacket up over his waist, and pulled at the waistband of his jeans, working his pants down to his thighs.<\/p>\n Alex leaned forward, burying his face in the cushions of the couch, whimpering slightly. He shifted his weight\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut he was trying to spread his legs farther apart, not to protect himself. And\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI like being fucked<\/em> was the other thing Alex had told him, when he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been bound to the bed in the small bedroom, drugged and frightened out of his mind, but hot and desperate for sex. And from the images of this morning\u00e2\u20ac\u201da full, wide feeling of penetration. Too big to be a cock\u00e2\u20ac\u201dat least, any normal-sized cock. He remembered the way Alex had handled the butt plugs and dildoes in the case. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d shivered with pleasure when he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d touched the clear lucite dildo. It was a beautiful object, for a change\u00e2\u20ac\u201dsomething that had an aesthetic appeal beyond the fetishistic associations of the other items. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d bought it for its beauty; he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never actually used it. Perhaps it was time he did.<\/p>\n Krycek knew the dildo was clean. But Alex didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. Alex had been scrupulously diligent about condoms; Krycek respected him for that. If he was going to be around for long, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have him tested and maybe they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be able to dispense with all these precautions; but for now, it would be reassuring to Alex to know his toys were safe. Krycek didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to put a condom on it, though. He thought Alex would appreciate being touched by the smooth lucite itself. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder, take the clear dildo into the bathroom and wash it with soap and hot water. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to give Alex a special treat.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Was there something just the slightest bit unnerving about seeing his own body, bent over the back of a couch with hands bound, wearing black leather and blue jeans, smooth white buttocks exposed? Absently, he stroked Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s butt, considering, while Alex breathed raggedly into the upholstery. Krycek had taken his turn playing the submissive role; hell, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d tried it all. Well, one would want to know what it felt like. He hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t any objection to it; it just didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give him what he needed. Alex got something from it, though, and it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the same thing Mulder got out of it, either\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit was something else entirely, something he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to explain, and Krycek couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite understand.<\/p>\n Damn, he wanted to talk to Alex about it! He wanted to make Alex tell him everything\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhis relationship with his Mulder, who was apparently not into dominance games at all; his sexual history\u00e2\u20ac\u201dpast lovers, favorite memories, worst fears; his reaction to all the sexual activity that had gone on here since he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d arrived. And he wanted to talk to Alex about his insecurity and pain and fear, find out where it came from and how to help him deal with it all.<\/p>\n And he wanted to spank the soft white bottom quivering under his hand. He remembered the way the heated handprints had risen on those creamy buttocks, the way Alex had squirmed and gasped and cried as his buttocks reddened under the sharp blows, and the heat from the swollen, tender cheeks warming Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s groin as he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d fucked Alex afterwards. It was clearly something Alex wanted\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand wanted badly enough even to ask for, although he asked in all the wrong ways.<\/p>\n Keeping one hand on Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s butt, Krycek reached across the couch to retrieve the jar of lubricant. Yes, that would definitely be one of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lessons, he thought, as he slid two slippery fingers between Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s buttocks. Not this time, though. Now was not the time for lessons, or physical pain. He wanted to show Alex that he could rule him without hurting him, no matter if it was good pain or bad, physical or otherwise.<\/p>\n Mulder returned with the dildo. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had the foresight to bring a towel, too: clear thinking, or else Mulder had been entertaining fantasies about this couch himself, and for long enough to have gotten to the stage of imagining the practical details. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have to remember to give Mulder his own turn at this one of these days.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 He took the towel and straightened Alex for long enough to drape it over the couch, then settled him into place once more. Mulder stood at his side with the dildo in his hand, holding it ready. Krycek was reminded, absurdly, of a surgical nurse, waiting to hand the doctor his implements. Surgical nurse, with dog collar and dildo. It was a particularly bad porno flick. He had a sudden image of himself, covered in latex and thoroughly sterilized, reaching out a gloved hand with the curt request: Dildo.<\/em><\/p>\n Dildo,<\/em> Nurse Mulder would reply as he slapped the instrument into his hand.<\/p>\n Krycek suppressed the urge to chuckle. Well, you just couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take it seriously, could you? Another reason these kinds of scenes didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work for him. Never mind. This one was for Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe serious games would come later.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got some bad habits,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek told Mulder, as he took the dildo and stroked it along the crevice between Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s buttocks. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not his fault. God knows who trained him. But he tries hard, and learns fast. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll soon whip him into shape.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d It was mostly game talk, fairly harmless, despite the truth in it. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think it would trouble Alex. And there was one sobbing breath from Alex, and a shudder, and then he relaxed into the couch with his butt upturned and offered. Krycek spread Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cheeks with one hand, and guided the large, round head of the clear dildo to Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s anus. Even the head was a good inch and a half in diameter; he hoped Alex could take it, with only two fingers for preparation. You could ask him, but he would only say \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, please,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d no matter what you proposed to shove into him. But Alex knew how big the dildo was, didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he? And he was leaning into it as best he could, chest braced against the top of the couch back. Krycek would just have to rely on Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s reactions, although they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d proved unreliable in the past, and the sweet feeling of fullness he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d received from Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fantasy.<\/p>\n And one more thing\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe way Alex had held Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand while he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d worked him over, and asked Mulder to squeeze his hand to let him know he was all right. Apparently, in Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s world, this was an acceptable way to communicate one\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s real feelings. So he took one of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s bound hands in his and squeezed it gently, while he pressed the dildo into him with his other hand. Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand tightened around his, and he understood at once: I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m all right. Please go on.<\/em> Krycek nodded. It was so simple, once you knew. The hands don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t lie\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand that was a very good thing to know.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n There was really something very pleasant about it, even though he was still fully clothed and only his hands, so far, were involved. But there was plenty of sensation to concentrate on and enjoy: the sight of the beautiful clear dildo sliding in and out of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s widely stretched asshole; the glistening sweat gathered on Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s flexing buttocks, trickling down his hips; the feel of the smooth, hard lucite in his hand, overcoming the slight resistance as it plunged into Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body, and the grip of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sphincter muscles on it as he pulled it out; Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand, also slick with sweat, clinging tightly to his; the animal heat pouring from Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body, steaming inside his leather jacket; the musky scent of sweat and lube and leather and sex; Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s moaning cries muffled in the back of the couch, and the ragged counterpoint of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s heavy breathing beside him.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n He was even a little surprised to find himself so aroused by it. He had tended to wonder why you would want to penetrate someone with silicone or lucite, when you could use your own flesh. The control over the bottom was part of it, of course, and being able to stand back and observe the reactions more carefully than you could when your own reactions were involved. And Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s reactions were a joy to behold: his pleasure in it was open and intense and unashamed. But there was something else, too, something in the dildo itself. A sense that sex was more than the body; that it went beyond physical limitations; that it was anything and everything that one could use to touch another. It was not a new thought, but it had a different feel when it came from Alex. And that was something he was going to want to consider more fully later.<\/p>\n Meanwhile, his cock was complaining of neglect, and it was time to give his own flesh some satisfaction. He slowed the thrusting of the dildo, leaving it fully impaled for a few moments before withdrawing it completely, and handed it to Mulder with brief instructions to clean it as he had before. Alex sighed sweetly, shifting his weight, making himself comfortable for the next stage of the action. Krycek stroked his back and let him rest, waiting for Mulder to return before he went on.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Have you fucked him?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asked Mulder, as he rolled a condom onto his cock.<\/p>\n A little widening of the eyes there, a little stiffening that was almost a flinch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n So. Mulder had done it, but he was nervous about having done it without specific permission. Good: let him be nervous for a little longer. He let Mulder wait while he applied more lubricant to Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s anus. Alex was already thoroughly stretched\u00e2\u20ac\u201din fact, more than Krycek would really have liked\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe dildo was considerably wider than his own cock. But that couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be helped. It was tempting to leave Alex to recover for a while longer and play with Mulder a little. Perhaps tease him with the case of toys\u00e2\u20ac\u201ddescribe the uses of the more exotic items, make Mulder tell him which ones he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like used on him, and why. God, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be beautiful\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbeautiful enough, Krycek realized, that he wanted to be awake for it, and to give it his full attention. It would have to wait. He could feel the impending crash from sleep deprivation teasing at his muscles and nerves, like stormclouds gathering on the horizon. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d better finish this soon, before he collapsed in the floor and left all three of them frustrated.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he told Mulder at last. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure he loved it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He heard Mulder draw a single long breath at the release of tension, and was reaching out to stroke his mouth before he remembered his own rules. He caught the motion and changed it, guided his cock to Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s anus and thrust into him hard, sliding easily into the well-opened passage. And Alex groaned and thrust back, tightening his muscles on Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock, working him, giving back all he could.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t find anyone better,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said, hearing the roughness in his own voice. His mind was starting to spin, ever so slightly. He leaned over, bracing himself on the back of the couch, and let his belly rest on Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lower back, as he pounded steadily into him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No fault with his training here.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n It was the perfect mental state for fucking, if he could catch it just right: on the verge of unconsciousness, mental processes disintegrating, muscles unraveling, pure sensation for once triumphant. The wet, pulsing friction on his cock was intensely satisfying, and nothing interfered with his enjoyment of it.<\/p>\n And suddenly there was another awareness: cock pounding into him, groin slapping against his buttocks. Hands bound. Couch pressing into his chest, body leaning against his back. It was Alex. Was he dreaming this, or was it real? Never mind now, analyze it later. It was a wonderful sensation: timeless and free, floating in warm dark. He wrapped one arm around Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest, holding him tightly, reached beneath with the other hand to grip Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock, and fucked him as hard as he could.<\/p>\n They built to it together, and came together, and he wanted to laugh at that\u00e2\u20ac\u201dWe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a porn writer\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cliche, Little Brother,<\/em> he wanted to say, but nothing was working, his whole body was orgasming, and dissolving, and he collapsed across Alex with an exhausted groan.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n It was some moments before he could gather himself up enough to drag himself off of Alex and regain his feet. His knees felt like jelly, and he was not at all sure he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d make it to the bedroom before he passed out. Which he had to do now, or else he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d begin to wake up again, and if that happened they were all of them going to have one seriously bad day.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Alex remained draped limply across the couch, hands still bound loosely behind him. He would have preferred to be there with Alex for a little while longer, to help him come down from it, make sure he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel abandoned; but that was dangerous just now. He unwound the leather straps as gently as he could, massaging Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrists below the cuffs. It would have to be enough. He drew a deep breath, found Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand for a reassuring squeeze, then turned to Mulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Take care of Alex, and help him clean up.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n That ended the formalities, he decided. He ran his fingers gently over Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face, and watched Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes fall shut. Mulder looked painfully hard. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be happy to help you with that hard-on, as soon as he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s had a chance to recover,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. The words were pitched for Mulder, but Alex would undoubtedly hear, and take it as a command. He glanced over at the case and felt his smile harden. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re free to use the toys, if Alex feels like furthering your education.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder nodded, accepting his instructions, no sign of resentment in his sex-dark eyes. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had a good time, no doubt about it. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Or wait for me, if you want, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to be a long wait. I plan to sleep\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 for a very long time.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He was losing the words. If he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d forgotten anything, Mulder and Alex would just have to cope. He dragged his drained, weary, but utterly satisfied body off to the bedroom, already dreaming.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n Alex lay limply across the back of the couch. He smiled into the upholstery. He could feel the gentle air currents cooling the sweat on his naked butt, and the pleasant sting in his ass. Now, that<\/em> was a fucking\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe felt it right out to his toes. He was sweltering in his leather jacket\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhis gorgeous, beautiful, wonderful leather jacket\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care that he was lying here with his butt in the air, and he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care that his shoulders ached from having his arms tied behind his back. Alex was so happy, he just wanted to lie there forever, remembering: Leather and handcuffs. Reassuring hands on his body. The beautiful crystal dildo filling him. It probably wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to happen like this again\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe had a feeling Krycek was just softening him up for the real games to come. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care about that, either. This was damn good, and he was going to lie here and enjoy it as long as he could.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alex?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Of course, forever rarely lasted very long. Alex groaned, pulled his sore arms down from behind his back and let them flop onto the couch cushions, then pushed himself slowly upright. Mulder was standing at his side, observing him curiously, head cocked, hazel eyes glowing. And totally naked, except for a dog collar. God, he was beautiful. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you okay?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex laughed gently. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder, I am well and truly fucked. And much more than okay.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder smiled\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthat same dreamy half-smile that made Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s throat go dry when his own Mulder smiled it. Unbelievably, Alex felt his cock stir.<\/p>\n But it was still far from the condition of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock, hard as stone and looking badly in need of attention. Attention which, once again, Alex had gotten while Mulder was left out in the cold.<\/p>\n Alex sighed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Look, Mulder, as soon as he wakes up, I expect to develop a splitting headache, and then I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll creep off to the small bedroom and put a pillow over my head for a couple of hours, give you guys some privacy. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry about\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 taking up all his time.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder nodded. The smile grew a little warmer. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thanks. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d appreciate that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Meanwhile, of course, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s right\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d love to help you make the wait a little easier. In whatever capacity you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s smile didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fade, but it turned slightly unsure. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex sighed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like to. Mulder, about last night\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m okay now. It won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be like that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You want to tell me what that was all about?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n No, but what the hell. It didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look like Mulder was going to let him play until he got some sort of explanation. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure, Mulder, but do me a favor? If you want to talk instead of fuck, put some clothes on\u00e2\u20ac\u201dyou\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to drive me nuts standing there like that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder folded his arms across his chest and grinned\u00e2\u20ac\u201dmaking no attempt to hide his rampant erection. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If I can take it, so can you. Now give. What got you so upset last night?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex made a frustrated noise. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is torture, you know. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re worse than he is.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder just grinned.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay. It was.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex took a deep breath. All right, maybe he owed Mulder the truth\u00e2\u20ac\u201dor anyway, some part of it. Something that looked and smelled and felt like the truth. But he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to tell Mulder that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d duplicated his own Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lovemaking so precisely that his touch was heartbreaking agony. He leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes, frowning. The key was to make yourself believe it first.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You told me you were doing with me what you do with him. And then, when you fucked me like that\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI mean, it was great and everything, but I thought you were jerking me around. Trying to make me screw up, so he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d kick me out of bed. I know that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t what it was. I know what you were trying to do, what you were trying to show me, but it just got me so frustrated\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t what I wanted to be told. I acted like a jerk, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder looked like he was buying it. For the most part, anyway. But it had made him no more eager to take his chances with Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s unpredictability.<\/p>\n Alex sighed again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jeez, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like you need a note from your psychiatrist to get fucked around here.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder laughed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve called him my therapist before.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex grinned with him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want a therapist. Okay, a physical<\/em> therapist, maybe.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He glanced back at the couch, at the towel hanging down, wet spot in the middle. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind getting therapy like that a little more often.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It did look like you were having a good time.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t there a touch of envy in his voice? There should<\/em> be, for god\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sake, as his lover had just made him stand there and help<\/em> while he fucked someone else.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know, Mulder, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got to be the most generous guy I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve ever met. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t bother you having some stranger come in and throw himself all over your boyfriend. And you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re cheerfully trying to help me figure out how to please him, while I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m acting like a total jerk.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder shook his head, smiling. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not exactly a stranger. Or a jerk. Come on, Alex, anybody could see how hard this has been for you. Is it so weird for me to want to help? Especially when you look exactly like my\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 boyfriend.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n The slight hesitation in his voice; a moue of embarrassment in his smile; even the faintest hint of a blush\u00e2\u20ac\u201dall from referring to Krycek as his \u00e2\u20ac\u0153boyfriend\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00e2\u20ac\u201dto saying the word out loud. God. And here Alex had been calling him \u00e2\u20ac\u0153slave\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153whore\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and all the game words, just like he was some kind of leather faggot, which he obviously was not. And suddenly he felt a cold chill of fear for what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d said to Mulder yesterday\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d stepped out of role and used the game words in anger, he realized\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthese people didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t play the game at all; they told each other the truth, and made it as real as they could. And Alex had made a very, very bad mistake. He had to bite back another apology. Mulder didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to hear it.<\/p>\n Instead, he found his cocky grin and turned it on Mulder. Mulder thought he was shaky and unpredictable; all right, show him he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. Show him he was a happy boy who just wanted to share his happiness right now. In fact, he was rapidly becoming a very horny happy boy, with a brand new leather jacket, a gorgeous naked man, and a suitcase full of toys to play with.<\/p>\n And Mulder wanted to play the game, too, that was clear enough. He was fascinated by the toys; he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d wholeheartedly taken on the role as Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s \u00e2\u20ac\u0153assistant\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in the previous scene; he showed no sign of wanting to take the collar off. In fact, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d even showed initiative\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You were helpful, all right. That was really clever of you to bring a towel\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI never would have thought of anything like that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Of course, the people Alex usually played with liked getting dirty.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve thought about doing something like that often enough. I already had all the details worked out in my mind.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You mean, he never\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 ?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Another clunk inside Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s gut. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re always hinting about wanting the classic treatment,<\/em> Krycek had said to Mulder. But apparently he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never given it to him. And then Alex came along, and in three days Krycek had brought out his toys, bought Alex leather, played the game with him.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Poor Mulder.<\/p>\n Alex stepped to the side, and gestured grandly toward the couch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, Mulder, step right up. Take your turn at the bar.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder grinned, but still he hesitated.<\/p>\n Another realization (and wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it funny how a really good fucking could clear your mind?)\u00e2\u20ac\u201dMulder needed to be told what to do. He always played the submissive role. He and Krycek didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t switch\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a game to them, it was how it was. And Mulder had taken the submissive role with Alex, too\u00e2\u20ac\u201deven when he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d fucked Alex, he was doing it from the bottom, serving Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s desires. Well, that would have to be fixed, eventually. Alex didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to be Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s master, at least not all the time. But for now\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/p>\n For now, Alex was feeling just frisky enough to think that having his cock up Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ass would be a very fine thing indeed. And after all, Mulder was the one in the collar. And he looked damned good in it. He should be made to wear it all the time.<\/p>\n And maybe it would just serve Mulder right to have the tables turned on him from last night, at least a little. If Alex could manage it. It wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hurt Mulder like it had Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u201dafter all, his own Krycek was sleeping right down the hall. But it might add a little spice to the proceedings, and get Mulder over his reluctance to let Alex help him. He closed his eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath. Let a deep stillness settle over him. Cool. Contemplative. Confident. A touch of irony, a sense of standing outside himself, observing. Easy assumption of the power to rule. Then he opened his eyes.<\/p>\n To see a shock of recognition on Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face. His beautiful mouth hung open; his deep, dusky eyes stretched wide. His impossibly hard erection twitched.<\/p>\n Alex let himself smile: gentle, yet with a kiss of steel. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder, get over there.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Low and silky; no harshness, no threat. Not necessary\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhis orders would not be questioned.<\/p>\n Mulder obeyed instantly. He assumed the position in front of the towel, legs apart, hands clasped behind his back, bent over so that his chest rested on the back of the couch. His back heaved. Already, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d broken out into a sweat.<\/p>\n Lovely. He was absolutely lovely. You would want to be careful with this one; not let him get jaded or coarse. Keep him isolated, protected, tended like a hothouse flower. Alex stroked Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s firm, lean buttocks, careful to maintain the role he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d taken for himself, keeping his caresses precise and deliberate. Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hips quivered. Just as his own had done. Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock began to fill, tingling pleasantly. It would still be some time before he was hard enough to take Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut there were plenty of toys he could use to keep Mulder happy in the meantime.<\/p>\n Mulder had crossed his wrists behind his back. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You want to be tied, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you, Mulder?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d That rough silk voice, heavy with need: Alex wanted to hear it begging him.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ask me nicely.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His own voice was still low and gentle, slightly teasing.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Sir. Please tie me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Sweet. Mulder really wanted to play. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Very good.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He reached into the case for the strap Krycek had used to tie him. He still had the cuffs on his own wrists. There were more cuffs, but never mind. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d already cuffed Mulder once; let him have something different this time. He wrapped the strap around Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrists three times, not too tight, no knot. The ends trailed down Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s flanks. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good. Thank you. Sir.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex chuckled. And who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d trained Mulder? He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be eaten alive in your average leather bar. He stroked Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck, running his fingers along the edge of the collar. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You look so good in a collar. If you were mine, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have you in a collar all the time.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder had buckled it tight. Maybe too tight. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have to keep an eye on it, be ready to loosen the collar if it looked like he was having trouble.<\/p>\n Alex found the lubricant and began to apply it between Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s legs. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Too bad you couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wear it to work, under your shirt collar. J. Edgar wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like that, would he? Even though he probably wore one.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex suppressed a giggle. No, that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Krycek. No silliness. Concentrate, Alex.<\/em><\/p>\n Another deep breath. Cool darkness. Like the Forever Place, but a discipline of the mind, not the body. Serene control. And if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to tell a story, make it stylish and delicate and real.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153A thin gold chain, that would be better. Not too tight, but snug around your neck.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He stroked Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s skin at the edges of the collar with his other hand, while continuing to work his fingers between Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s buttocks. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Something pretty and elegant, like you, Mulder. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d wear it all the time, day and night. A constant reminder of the one who put it there, like a brand of ownership. Or a wedding ring. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d feel it caressing your neck, a gentle pressure against your throat, while you were having lunch with Scully. Or sitting in Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s office, listening to him tell you all the things you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d done wrong, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be thinking about the chain around your neck, that only your lover could allow you to remove.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Yes, that was working. On him as well as Mulder. Picturing his own Mulder, wearing Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chain around his neck. Not as a sign of ownership, but of love and commitment. Or was that really the same thing?<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153When you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re stretched out on your couch late at night, watching your videos. Or lying in your lonely hotel room in some generic town in the middle of nowhere on the latest horrible, frightening case. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d reach up and finger the chain around your neck, and the images would form in your mind, and he would be there with you, touching you, reminding you that you belong to him always.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He reached over Mulder to the suitcase, and found what he wanted: a shiny black dildo, not large, but beautifully proportioned and detailed. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to use anything big on Mulder, anyway. He wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t trained for it, and it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t for Alex to give him that training. Perhaps his own Mulder some day, if he wanted it.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n He let Mulder see it as he brought it out of the case. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a beautiful thing, isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it, Mulder? Your lover\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock. Not flesh and blood, but his just the same.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He stood behind Mulder, rolling a condom onto the dildo, frowning thoughtfully. He reached inward, concentrating on the presence of the man sleeping just down the hall, trying to find that part of himself in his own mind. How would he use this with his Mulder? Not with the loving reverence Alex would feel; not with affection for the object itself. There would be that inevitable sense of irony, of standing outside oneself observing. The reduction of the image to its elements: a man standing behind another man, inserting a piece of rubber into his ass. When you looked at it like that, it was ridiculous. Tawdry and pointless. Then why would he do it? Why had Krycek done it for Alex?<\/p>\n Because Alex wants it. Because it means something to him to be taken this way, and I want to show him that I can give him what he wants.<\/em> Alex felt tears start in his eyes. Thank you, Big Brother.<\/em> And a slow, gentle smile grew on his face, that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t his smile. His hands began to move in ways that weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ways, deliberate and precise; but which seemed natural and inevitable nonetheless. And he observed Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s need and Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s reactions, and worked the dildo into him, responding with a clarity he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never known.<\/p>\n His awareness of Mulder filled his senses. The sight of the shiny black dildo sliding between Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lean buttocks was almost overwhelming. As if in a trance, he watched his hands find the precise motions to drive Mulder gasping and shaking to the brink. It was shocking how intimate it was, despite the strange feeling of detachment. It was as if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d opened a channel right to Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hungry soul. This was what Krycek had been trying to do with him, he realized, and Mulder, too, last night. But he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d found the intimacy too painful, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d run away. It was still painful, but not so bad when he was protected by his Krycek-presence. Maybe he could learn to take it.<\/p>\n He withdrew the dildo and set it aside. A deep breath, and another condom for his cock, and he was ready to take possession.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n Not my Mulder<\/em> came the inevitable refrain. But he was being Krycek; this was<\/em> his Mulder. Beloved and obedient, worshiping at his feet, there for the taking.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/em> Alex sighed, and his cock throbbed. He could have this, if he wanted. And\u00e2\u20ac\u201dHands pinned to the mattress, cock driving into him.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/em> He could have this, too. His Mulder. Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Mulder. What was the difference? This Mulder wanted him, and he wanted this Mulder. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to be Krycek to take him.<\/p>\n He watched his cock slide in where the black dildo had been. This is mine,<\/em> he thought to himself. He closed his eyes. Yes, it felt right. His hips began to move as if of their own volition. You couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really go to the Forever Place when you were in control\u00e2\u20ac\u201dat least Alex couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut he caught the edges of it: that warm, sweet darkness, where the mind drifted, and all sensation was reduced to the wet pull on his cock as it moved inside Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body. He gripped Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hips and thrust, slow and deliberate. Mulder was on the edge; it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take much to push him over. Carefully, Alex moved him forward, until just the tip of his cock was brushing against the towel draped over the back of the couch. A whimpering gasp, and Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s anus twitched on Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock. And Alex kept up his steady rhythm, letting the sensation build slowly, feeling Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ass work on his cock, listening to Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s rough breathing, gasping through the collar around his neck.<\/p>\n Then Mulder thrust forward, and Alex could feel the spasms of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s orgasm on his cock. Groaning, Alex leaned in and took Mulder by the shoulders, and pressed into him with short, pulsing motions of his hips, until his own orgasm took him.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n Sweet. Fucked by Krycek, Mulder fucked. New leather jacket. Warm and happy. His mind drifted pleasantly. He could almost fall asleep right here, on top of Mulder, over the back of the couch. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d done such things, and been very sorry for it later. It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t worth the aches and soreness. Best to clean up here, and then go join Krycek in bed. Neither of them had gotten much sleep last night. There were still things to be dealt with; things to talk about. But they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d all still be there when they woke up. And a good night\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sleep, for a change, would improve the situation considerably. Sighing, Alex pulled himself upright, and began to unwind the strap from Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrists. He squeezed Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand, and gave his shoulders a brisk rub. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder, you okay?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder chuckled into the back of the couch, and pushed himself up, just as Alex had done earlier. He leaned back against the couch and grinned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alex, I am well and truly fucked.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex giggled. He glanced back toward the bedroom. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s two of us.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder shook his head, trying not to laugh. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alex.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I think the two of us could probably hold him down, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alex!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder laughed helplessly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Even supposing it was worth being killed for,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he put a friendly hand on Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think either of us could get it up right now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex heaved an exaggerated sigh. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I suppose you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re right.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He fell forward into Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arms, nearly knocking them both into the floor. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll just have to fuck each other blind, I guess.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sounds like a deal,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder mumbled into Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair.<\/p>\n A very good deal.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n It was late afternoon when Krycek woke. He woke completely, as he always did, with no discernible transition between sleep and full waking. Mulder, lying across the foot of the bed scanning documents on his computer, felt it at once: a snap of awareness lashing out from Krycek toward the edges of the room and echoing back, palpable as a sonar pulse. On the far side of the bed, Alex shifted and made a single sharp noise in his sleep, as though he had sensed it too. Mulder closed the program and shut down the computer, and looked up toward the head of the bed. Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes were still closed, his breathing unchanged; but that was routine too, Krycek always took a few moments to absorb the situation around him before he let his body display the obvious physical signs of waking. (And what was the point? Mulder found himself wondering. If Krycek were captured, knocked out or drugged, would he really be able to feign sleep when consciousness returned? Would not that vivid blast of attention communicate itself to any watcher? or would you let it go if you didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know the man as Mulder did, tell yourself that weird flash must have been your own mind playing tricks on you?)<\/p>\n Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes half-opened. They glittered behind the long lashes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anything interesting?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asked. As always, the voice was clear, without any trace of sleep.<\/p>\n Mulder drew a long breath, abruptly very conscious of the rough leather at his neck. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d loosened the collar a notch, making it comfortable enough to sleep in, comfortable enough almost to be a bit of ordinary clothing. But with Krycek looking at him, it clung to his neck like a live thing. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not much so far,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he managed to say. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Some new physics work that would support the theory we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been going on. Nothing on the kind of abduction experiences we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re looking for; but it would be early to hear on those, if there are any, since I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t put the query out over the net.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Right.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek stretched and sat up. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sneaking around always does mean incurring heavy transaction costs. I suppose it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s probably a good thing for life as we know it, if it weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t so damned expensive everybody\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d do it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n There was a muffled groan from the pile of sheets across the bed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not transaction costs,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice mumbled from somewhere in the pile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please, no, anything but that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek looked in his direction with mild curiosity. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What do you have against transaction costs?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex groaned again. The sheets moved, and then he sat up too, blinking groggily. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nothing, never mind.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek went on looking at him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay, my economics professor. Sorry I mentioned it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n They made an appealing contrast, Mulder reflected; it was a pleasure to watch them. There was Krycek, poised and graceful and dangerous, a fantasy vision of exactly the right kind of trouble. And there was Alex, rumpled and gorgeous and heavy-eyed, looking like he was created solely for some sensible person to take advantage of, right now, before he could even think about getting out of bed. In fact\u00e2\u20ac\u201dMulder let his thoughts linger on Alex for a moment. It would be good to push him back down, hold him still under the tangled sheets, to feel the long body struggling underneath him to get free; to wind his hand in Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair and kiss the fight out of him.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Hell, of course the other Mulder wanted him. How could anyone not?<\/p>\n And why, now that he was presumably about to get what he had been waiting for since Friday night, was he suddenly half-hoping that Alex had forgotten all about his plans to have a headache about now?<\/p>\n Because he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s beautiful. What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the big mystery?<\/em><\/p>\n But that was wrong. Alex was beautiful, but whatever this was, it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t that simple. Any minute now, Alex would make his excuses, and then\u00e2\u20ac\u201dAll right. Because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m frightened.<\/em><\/p>\n That was better, that didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t bring a chorus of howling derision from the recesses of his own mind. So: take a look at it. Frightened of what?<\/p>\n I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know. And I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to know.<\/em> He shivered, hard.<\/p>\n But Krycek was watching him now, and smiling one of his inward-looking, no-good-to-someone smiles. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I see you kept your toy,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said gently. It took Mulder an instant to realize what he meant; and then he felt himself flush. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time to put it away now,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the soft voice said.<\/p>\n He put a hand to the buckle, reluctantly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I liked it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said, speaking just as softly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Let me keep it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s smile broadened just a little, and his eyes went wide. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Modest little bitch, isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder could hear the laughter in his voice. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I want you naked, Mulder. Take it off.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He drew a long, shuddering breath, and nodded, and worked the clasp. Somewhere outside, in another world, he heard Alex gasp as if in sudden pain, felt Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s attention shift for a moment, heard Alex explaining about his sinuses, and would it be okay with Krycek if he sat this one out?<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s okay,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek told Alex. His tone was different to Alex, gentle and half-mocking: Mulder suspected that he knew exactly how real Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s headache was. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do one thing for me, though. If the pain gets bad, or if you have a nosebleed, come get us. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t worry about what you might be interrupting. Okay?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex said, a little shakily. Then he was out of the room, and the door was closing behind him.<\/p>\n His departure left a little silence in the room. Krycek gazed out toward the door, his eyes wide and distant as though he were looking through walls. Then the focus narrowed, came back to the room. The corners of his mouth quirked a little in an almost-smile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Come,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. His voice was light, as though he were talking to a pet.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah. But I was sort of hoping we could fuck, first,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said. He could hear the faint edge in his own voice. Nerves again: he felt naked, horribly exposed, as though the collar really were clothing, and in taking it off he had lost some last measure of protection and privacy. He gave Krycek an uneasy glance. The delicate eyebrows were raised a little, but Krycek did not seem inclined to answer him. The reaction would come later and from some other direction, then: in the mocking patience of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands, or in some unexpected refinement of cruelty in Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s use of him. He felt himself shiver. Then he moved, set the computer carefully on one of the nighttables and came to lie at Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s side.<\/p>\n Krycek was still for a long moment, watching him. At last he moved, stretching one arm across the little space between them to where Mulder lay. The tips of his fingers traced the curve of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck, where the collar had been. The touch was gentle and shockingly invasive. He gasped at it. His eyes fell shut, and he tipped his head backward, straining his throat up into Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You see,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he heard Krycek say. A pause, while the fingers finished their circuit of his neck. Then the voice spoke again in his ear, soft and burning cold. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I prefer that your throat be available to me. Instantly, and at all times.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The fingers tightened for just an instant. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Besides, I like seeing your neck exposed. I like it in bed, and I like it out of bed. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sexual display on you, and I enjoy having you on display. Content yourself, Mulder. I will never keep you in a collar.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered, although it was not clear that Krycek required an answer. The fingers went on stroking his throat. There was purpose in that touch, but no urgency. He could almost read Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s thought in the way his hands moved: Patience, Mulder. I want you; and I intend to have you. And I mean to take my time about it\u00e2\u20ac\u201dyou weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t in a rush, were you?<\/em><\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153All right,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Now. Just what the hell did you and my doppelganger do to each other last night?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He drew a long shuddering breath. He did not want to think about last night. But there was no point in fighting it, or trying to evade the issue: Krycek would insist, would pin him down and make him talk about it, insist on Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s staying cool and rational and coherent while Krycek toyed with his body. It would be a game to Krycek, setting himself the two tasks at once, figuring out what had upset Alex while he pushed Mulder precisely to the edges of his tolerance. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shit,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said, doing his best to match Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tone. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Would that I knew.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He paused, collecting his thoughts. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay. It started out with us talking about you. He was complaining that he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t figure out what you got off on, what you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like from him. Or what it is you like from me. We talked a little, but I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to be giving him anything he could make sense of. Finally I had a clever idea: I decided I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d show him. If he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a version of you, I thought maybe if he were getting the right sensory and emotional cues he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be able to put himself in your place, know some of what it felt like to be you. And that would answer his question.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Makes sense,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek agreed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I take it that it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work as planned?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not as I planned, anyway.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek was running his hands along the length of his body now. The touch was still relaxed, casual. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really like to talk in bed, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve seen that. I had to go on his physical reactions to figure out what he wanted from me. Maybe it shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have taken me as long as it did to work it out. I tried a bunch of other things first. Things you like. But what he really wanted was to get fucked.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He looked at Krycek, feeling a sudden twinge of uneasiness. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It was what he wanted. So I did it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Still nervous about that, are you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek did not sound displeased at the thought. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How did you like it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex under him, beautiful, panting and twisting with need, wanting Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/em> He groaned at the rush of memory. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I loved it. God\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His voice sounded hoarse to him.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I thought you might.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands moved on his buttocks, spreading them a little. The fingers of one hand slid down to toy idly with the sensitive flesh around his anus. He sounded amused. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all right, Mulder. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re allowed. You were perfectly right: what he wanted was more important than your notions of propriety. Although I suppose I would have been a little disappointed if you hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been nervous about it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The fingers reached, trailed delicately across his testicles. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And now you know a little of how it feels to me when I take you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n The words stabbed through his cock. His body arced forward into Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s before he could force himself to be still. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Only a little,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. He had begun to tremble. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t lose control. I almost did. Any longer, and I would have.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek shrugged, dismissing it. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And he was enjoying it as much as you were.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He seemed to hear Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s unspoken question. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Because if he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been, you would have stopped. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re good, Mulder, you always pay attention. If it hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been working for him, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have noticed, no matter what your own body was telling you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder nodded. Absurd, to be so pleased, and at this: it was a compliment with fangs in it. A compliment\u00e2\u20ac\u201dChrist, yes\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/em>for Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s whore.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 He drew another long breath and forced himself to speak. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he told Krycek. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153More than enjoying it, I would have said. It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t until afterward there was a problem. I got up for a minute, and when I came back he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d completely freaked. He went rigid, wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let me near him. Made a couple of nasty cracks about our not having a normal kind of perverted relationship.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He paused, shaking his head against Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arm. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I knew he had to be hurting. But I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what I was supposed to do about it. All I could think was, shit, if I have to get my self-image completely fucked by turning out to have a thing for men, wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t I supposed to at least get an exemption from the relationship conversations in exchange? \u00e2\u20ac\u201dWe sniped at each other for a couple of minutes, and then we pretended not to notice that we were still pissed with each other and went to sleep.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Until, I take it, about four in the morning?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Right. I slept, that was sort of a surprise. Something woke me up around four\u00e2\u20ac\u201ddidn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take long for me to realize what. And it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t anything he needed me for. I pretended to be asleep, it seemed like the least I could do for him.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good show?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek asked.<\/p>\n Mulder grinned at him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Might have been, if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been inclined to roll over in my direction.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Right.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands moved along the insides of his thighs now, leisurely and relaxed as though they stroked a cat. And as purposeful: the caress designed to give pleasure, refined a little with each repetition of the long lazy stroke. It was hard to keep still under it, not to spread his legs a little further with each stroke, not to thrust forward against Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body; not to let the occasional whimper turn into a moan. Krycek was talking again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And so it was I found you this morning, still trying to pretend nothing was wrong. Anything more after I went to bed?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder managed a chuckle. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153After you went to bed, there was a lot less wrong. But he still wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t talking. He tried to sell me a story about thinking I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been running a scam on him, so he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d try to fuck you on the next round, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d toss him out, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have you all to myself. Maybe he really had believed that for a minute or two at some point; maybe it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a complete lie. But it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the real issue.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He was losing focus. Krycek had noticed, too, damn him: one of his hands slid back to his ass, teasing, rhythms and pressures almost as though Krycek were getting him ready to be fucked. He was damned if he was going to lose control now, not yet\u00e2\u20ac\u201d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I take it you have a theory?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asked Krycek.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m beginning to.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock was as hard as his, but his voice was as even as ever. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He freaked at me, too, the first morning he was here. Same deal, almost: a touching display of enthusiasm for the proceedings, followed by tears and a good impression of catatonia. But only that one time. Not the time before, and not the times afterward.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And the difference that time was?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek smiled one of his gentle, faraway smiles. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d told me\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwell, more than he probably knew he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been telling me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll bet he did,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said. The memory flashed out at him: Alex in the kitchen yesterday morning: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what he was talking about, wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said to Krycek. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You questioned him under some kind of interrogation drug.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Of course I did.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He sounded amused and almost surprised, as though Mulder had asked him whether he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d thought to use a condom the last time he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d fucked a stranger. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Reasonably effective; reasonably conservative. When he came to, he was obviously missing his Mulder. So I gave him to him. To the extent I could, based on available information. I thought at the time that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d managed to get it reasonably right, based on his reaction. And you, of course\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Being Mulder to start out with, I had sort of an advantage. I could be Mulder without even trying.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And likely did. His Mulder liked to fuck him, but he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have a lot of experience. So he was careful and very gentle. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcDid it like a straight guy,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Alex said.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It fits,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I was careful, too; it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been a long time for me, and I was afraid of hurting him. Shit, I should have seen him spinning out.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek shook his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see it either. Which probably means he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. The sex was something he wanted, as long as it was actually happening. As long as he could lose himself in the sensation. There wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a problem until he came down from it and we weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t his Mulder after all.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Something in his chest ached. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s in love with his Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Seriously in love, poor bastard,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek agreed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And with somebody who may hate him for the rest of his life. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcThere is no greater pain than to recall the happy time in misery; and this thy teacher knows\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Second circle of Hell: he was entitled to have hysterics.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m surprised at you, Krycek.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The ache was worse now, and he could hear the hard edge in his voice. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You almost sound as though you cared. As though you might know what it felt like.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek laughed softly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153 \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcIt is not so. Nor it was not so. And indeed, God forbid it ever should be so.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 \u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He was trembling violently. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Scully was wrong. She should have let me shoot you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek laughed in what Mulder recognized as pure pleasure. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Should she have?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. His voice was very soft. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maybe so.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n His hands moved, slid up to Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders and closed hard on them. Then Krycek was rolling him onto his back, pressing him down into the sheets, letting him feel some of the weight of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body on him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And to follow:\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The voice was still soft, unmoved and relentless. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You could hardly have avoided killing me, at that range. Two counts of murder; two trials. No death penalty in Massachusetts, and there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be evidence of emotional distress in the Virginia case: odds are good the prosecution wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ask for the death penalty there.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s right hand moved to Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face as he spoke, tracing the lines of his mouth and eyelids as though he were learning them for the first time. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So, say a nice long stretch in one or another state prison. Information doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stay secret in prisons, even if the authorities were inclined to try to protect you: best case, say two weeks before the other inmates made you for former FBI. If you were lucky, somebody with some power would take a fancy to you, keep you for himself and protect you from the others. More likely, you spend the rest of your sentence getting passed from hand to hand for the price of a cigarette.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek leaned his head down for a moment and ran his mouth softly over Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyebrows. He was letting Mulder take more of his weight now. Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock, pressed hard into his belly, throbbed and burned and sent up little shrapnel-shards of pleasure with every shift of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s weight on him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI imagine you might learn to like it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Vividly real, in any case. No outside law to appeal to when the game got too rough, no way to walk out of it, no meaningful check on what could be done to you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s left hand made its run down the length of his body once more, lingered briefly along the curves of his ass, and finally reached under his thigh, spreading his legs a little further.<\/p>\n It was too much, finally. The hard muscle of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s upper thigh rubbed against his balls. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered. Even the whisper was roughened, unsteady.<\/p>\n Krycek just smiled. His right hand left Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face, travelled down the length of his neck to linger on his collarbone. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Or better: put you out on one of those work camps. The rules get looser out there, and there are no cameras, no monitors. It could be nice for you: the warden\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s special pet, maybe, his consolation for being stuck out there in charge of a campful of lowlife scum, in a place he wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let his wife set foot in even if it weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t six hours\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 drive from the nearest hint of civilization. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re turning back the clock in some of those places, have you been following the stories? Scandal in Arizona only last year: overseers on a work gang didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have the usual disciplinary actions available, so they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d gone back to the whip. Put a stop to it there, of course; but I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be surprised if it were still happening in other places. Perfect for you, now I think about it. Forced sex, and the whole camp knowing, punishments measured in dozens of lashes.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d work to please your owner, though, because you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re intelligent enough to know that the consequences of it ending would be much, much worse. And then the final damnation, your own pleasure in it. \u00e2\u20ac\u201dIt\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a little gothic, of course, but you like gothic. Well, Mulder? Is it an improvement? Would you rather have shot me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He shut his eyes and took a long moment to savor it. But Krycek had asked him a question. He drew a long breath and forced himself to speak. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know. Do I get another version of you, for my master there?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You killed me, remember? Only one of me to a universe, except under special circumstances.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His lips brushed Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mouth for just an instant.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What if I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said, a little breathlessly. The picture was beginning to take shape in his mind. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What if\u00e2\u20ac\u201d Say you somehow survived the shooting, but it was expedient for you to be seen to \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcdie.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Nobody\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d bother to set the criminal justice system straight; Cancerman and his friends would be all too happy to see me in prison. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be a while recovering; and then you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d need a whole new identity. And maybe a place to hide for a few years, wait until the world had really forgotten the old identity. I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know anything about it, locked away deep somewhere in the prison system, doing what I could to survive.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Until the day the new warden showed up,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder whispered. He could see it now, almost feel the damp heat of the camp, late summer somewhere in the deep South, green scent all around him, and sweating men. Rumors travelling down the line, old warden gone at last, new guy due in tonight, no, nobody\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s gotten the word on him yet; and what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dinner tonight? The car arriving, everyone taking surreptitious peeks, but nobody getting a good look, not yet. Only a bare-bones description: he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s young, the new guy. Carries a cane, but doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to use it. A little nervousness among the guards, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been rumors about scandal, about the new warden coming in to clean things up; but that nervousness would be gone by dinner, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have had their first staff meeting by then. He could see the meeting, too, hear Krycek starting to talk to them, reassuring them.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Mulder felt himself grinning at the thought; and then he was giggling, clinging to Krycek and trying not to choke.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek asked.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he gasped, in between giggles. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153As a prison warden. I can see it: \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcGuys, okay, go ahead and rape the prisoners if you want; but when you do it, for Chrissake use a condom\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 \u00e2\u20ac\u009d His voice rose to a squeak, and then he was giggling too hard to talk.<\/p>\n Krycek widened his eyes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know where a prison population\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been. Wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to have to explain any tragedies to wives and mothers, would I?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He shook his head and ran his fingers through Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got the whole story worked out already, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you? I think that may be a record, even for you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His voice suddenly cooled, snapped like a whip. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Christ, Mulder, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a wreck. Now, give. Who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d you shoot, back in Louisiana?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n The sensation was so intense that it took him a moment to identify it as pain. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You are a fucking artist,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he managed to say, very clearly, before he felt it hit and the giggles dissolved into racking sobs. His body shook with it, rubbing his trapped cock up against Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s belly; and waves of pleasure crashed through him in time with the sobs, sweet and terrible.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice was distant and amused. Mulder realized that he was clinging to him, his fingertips digging into Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s upper arms. He forced himself to loosen his hands.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thank you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. His weight shifted a little, sending another jolt of pleasure through Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body. Then he was moving, fast and fluid like a snake, and his open hand crashed down across Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face.<\/p>\n Heat and a slow blossom of pain in his face; a matching peak of luscious sensation at his groin; and then it was gone, and he was thrusting up into empty air. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not yet,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. His voice was rough with pleasure. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I asked you a question.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder nodded, still unable to speak. He fought down the sobs, taking long, deliberate breaths. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said finally. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe case was nothing. Scully told you that, right? I got there, and it was one of those mass hysteria things, a whole town full of people who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d persuaded each other that their teenager\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s beer blasts were some kind of satanic rituals. There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been two deaths, an unpopular high school teacher and a McDonald\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s manager who the kids had had some run-ins with, but there turned out to be nothing unnatural about either one of them.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He was talking around it. Leave the background, that didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I was done with the case on Thursday, when you talked to me. The whole thing was a waste of time, I wanted to get back, do some real work. But just because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d proved that nothing was going on at those parties didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean that the town suddenly went sane. It didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t, not all of it. But I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t paying attention.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I was supposed to fly out early Friday. I got a call from the sheriff around five in the morning, though. All these kids were missing. So we got everybody we could together and went out looking. Nothing, no trail, no clues. So we hit the woods, where some of the parties had been, fanned out on a standard search pattern.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153There was nothing for a little while, but then I got a squawk on the handset. The sheriff\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s secretary, Alice. She was the next person over from me on the pattern, and she was having some kind of attack, gasping into the set. She sounded like the victims had on the distress calls. I listened to her, and something just clicked together. The way it does, you know. I dropped the pattern and ran, and hoped I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d get there fast enough. And I did. Only something clicked in her head when she saw me, too. She looked at me\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand it was like, she knew. She went for something in her purse, dove at it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He took another set of long breaths, willing the tears down. Krycek was silent, waiting. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So I shot her. I was afraid it was the detonator. I knew it was the detonator. She wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t fifteen feet away, even I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t miss.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek stroked his face, his hand as gentle now as it had been hard before. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And was it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He blinked away tears. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The detonator was in her purse. But so was her inhaler\u00e2\u20ac\u201dshe had asthma. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll never know.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder, Mulder. You are not going to tell me there was anything else you could have done, are you? I know that all the evil in the entire universe is really your fault; but this is pushing it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder laughed, a little shakily. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153A real hero would have tackled her instead of shooting, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you think? It was only fifteen feet, I might have made it. \u00e2\u20ac\u201dNo, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not going to tell you that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He felt himself shiver, and the incipient tears prickled behind his eyes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I might have seen it sooner. I knew there were people who really believed in this Satan shit, really thought that the sheriff\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s office was refusing to protect them. And Alice was around, I saw her every day. Looking back\u00e2\u20ac\u201dshe was a little shaky. She claimed to be convinced, but you could see she didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really believe it.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see it. She was odd, but she was sharp and funny, and\u00e2\u20ac\u201dyou know. I liked her.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay. You identified with her a little. And you didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see it coming, and you killed her; and it follows that you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re a potential crazed murderer, and as guilty as she was: is that right? And of course, you deserve anything I do to you, not that it comes close to evening the balance.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder felt Krycek move, and then felt his lips, mocking and tender, first on his left eyelid and then on his right. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t resist hurting yourself with it, can you? Christ, Mulder, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re insatiable. A dozen of me couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hurt you enough. Not enough to satisfy you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s facile, Krycek, and you know it. Do I get a free pass on any responsibility for what I do, on the grounds that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m exaggerating because it might be good for my sex life?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153God, I enjoy you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. The voice was low again, thick with delight. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Keep your head still, Mulder. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to hit you again.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n His cock jumped, and he heard his breath hiss between his teeth. He remembered that formula: Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s second night with him, the command coming out of nowhere: Be still.<\/em> Why? Mulder had asked, not yet used to taking orders without question. Because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to hit you,<\/em> Krycek had said. And if you move, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll fuck up my aim. Yes, I thought you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like that. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to hit you. Now do as you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re told and make it easy for me.<\/em> And yes: this was the same blow he remembered, light and careful across his lips, to bruise them for later kissing. Krycek had told him afterward that he liked the texture of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mouth when it was bruised, liked the extra softness, the ripe-fruit pulpiness. And of course, liked knowing that it hurt Mulder to be kissed. Another thing that Krycek hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t done to him since then, rationing it as though the pleasure might run out some day\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut Krycek was talking to him again.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153On this one?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes, you do get a free pass. This woman was functional, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d already determined no crimes had been committed, you weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t looking for a perpetrator. You have no jurisdiction to go investigating people because they seem to be having emotional problems, even if you had noticed something wrong. Any more than you have any business trying to tackle somebody you think may be about to hit a detonator and blow people up when you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got a gun in your hand and a clean shot. And you know that, Mulder, every word of it.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter, does it? Because you get off on the pain. If you didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have me, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d do it to yourself. Or goad somebody else into doing it, the way you pushed Skinner into doing you when Scully was taken. Anything, so long as you get your fix.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek was touching him again, playing with his mouth and nipples, running one hand down along his thighs. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153All those fantasies about Skinner,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek whispered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know it, but he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s already had you, and more than once, in all the ways that matter to you. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s good, isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he, Mulder? You always enjoy it from him, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve watched you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not as good as you are,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said. His vision was blurred. It was peculiar: he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel as though he was crying, but he could feel tears leaking steadily from his eyes, running down along his temples. It was becoming hard to talk. Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands were focused now, purposeful, as though Krycek intended to strip his mind down to essentials at last, his vocabulary down to the only words that mattered: yes<\/em> and more<\/em> and please.<\/em> But Krycek was right: it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t enough, not yet. There was something more out there. Something else he wanted, or something more he needed to hide from.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alex,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The drug. The stuff you used on him\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe other Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwhen he showed up. Have you got any more of it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u2122Be prepared,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure I do. Are you about to suggest what I think you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re about to suggest?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His breathing was unsteady, but it evened as he spoke.<\/p>\n It distracted him from a moment, even through the haze of fear and lust and pain. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jesus, Krycek. I know you rub coke on your dick before you touch me, I know<\/em> it. One of these days I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to catch you at it. Either that, or you are<\/em> the result of alien experiments.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek smiled and leaned down, tipped Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s head to the side and ran his tongue delicately around the curve of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ear. Then his teeth tightened on Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s earlobe, worrying at it a little, and his left hand closed for a heart-stopping instant around his cock. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you objecting?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he murmured.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, you know that. \u00e2\u20ac\u201dIt was one of the fun ones that you used on him, wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it? The kind that people make jokes about using on dates who won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t put out? You fucked him, and he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hate you. Come on, Alex. Let me play too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek took his chin between his fingers and turned his head a little, forcing Mulder to look at him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know the next question,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcWhy?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 \u00e2\u20ac\u009d He shook his head as best he could in the little slack between Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fingers. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He could hear an edge of desperation in his own voice. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know. Because it feels extreme, maybe. Or maybe just because then I could ask you to play out that prison camp fantasy, and not be sick with embarrassment when you say no.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He felt himself flush as he said it, the rest of his face turning as hot as where Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s slap had landed. That much was true, then. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Too late for that, I guess,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he muttered.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maybe for your birthday,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said, grinning. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Although\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhell. If we were going to do it at all, I suppose we really ought to do it while Alex is here to play the third part.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What third part?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder demanded.<\/p>\n Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s grin got wider. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Come on, Mulder. This is one of your fantasies. Are you going to try to tell me that you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t already included a bit where I have you whipped?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder felt the flush deepen. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah. I have.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And Krycek would insist on hearing it, there was no point in waiting for the question. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Before I even know it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s you, the day you arrive. Not a heavy whipping, just a few lashes so that you can see the stripes on my back when they bring me to you later.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He was starting to tremble again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Damn it, Krycek. You know me too well.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So I do,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What else?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n It was the interrogator\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice, patient and relentless. Mulder flinched at it. What was it he really wanted from this? The embarrassment thing was important. It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the answer, but the answer was somewhere down along that road.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m afraid,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m afraid, and I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to go on fighting you, and holding things back; and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m afraid of what will happen if I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why, Alex. Because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m tired, and frightened, and I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to be afraid of anything but you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n It was a ridiculous thing to say, he thought. When had he ever fought Krycek, even for a moment? But Krycek seemed to know what he meant. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So you want help letting go of that last layer of resistance,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said.<\/p>\n Mulder inclined his head a little: yes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Some of it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s an illusion, I know that,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I only hold back now because you still let me. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve never broken me, not all the way. You could do it any time you wanted to, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a lot for me to hang on to. But you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. And I think I can guess why, and I agree with you. But I want it, Alex. Drug me, give me an excuse, let me stop being scared, stop fighting. Just for a little while.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And in the morning?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder gave him a choked laugh. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m lucky, in the morning I won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t remember. But if I do\u00e2\u20ac\u201din the morning, I promise you I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll deny everything. Please, Alex.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes were very dark. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Christ, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tempting,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. His voice was thick, and not perfectly steady. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder whispered again. That was good, too, that helped the fear: it was good to beg, good to let the responsibility go. Good to know that whatever he wanted, the matter was out of his hands, that Krycek would decide whether or not this choice was right.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek repeated, slowly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not without going over your medical records first. I won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t put you at that kind of risk.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His voice had cleared again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Probably a good thing I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have them on file. Or I might do it, and then I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d likely be sorry in the morning, however careful you were to deny everything.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He released Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chin and trailed his fingers over Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mouth. Mulder could feel the soreness now: his lips felt hot and swollen. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re right, of course,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I mean to have that from you some day. And I mean to have you sober for it, so that you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re making a conscious decision every step of the way.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But not yet. Faciles decensis Averni\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/em>it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s easy enough to take you down that road. But there are no guarantees of the road back.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His fingers trailed through Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hair. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to love breaking you, Mulder. Although not as much, I think, as you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to love being broken. But not yet. When you know you want it. Not before.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His lips brushed lightly across Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m getting ahead of myself. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re frightened.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He managed to nod an acknowledgment. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah. Well. That didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t exactly help.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t suppose it would, would it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His hands slid down from Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face, and then he was gathering Mulder in at last, drawing him close, and Krycek was kissing him, one of his rare serious kisses. Mulder sobbed at it, and his arms closed hard around Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders. Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands and forearms were strong and steady along his back and behind his head, locking their bodies together. There was no pain: the ache in his bruised lips had become heightened sensitivity, a further refinement of pleasure. The intimacy of it was terrifying, realer and more inescapable even than Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock in his mouth or ass: possession, perfected and undeniable. And the fear, finally, was good fear, fear of Krycek and what Krycek would do to him, sweet and shattering.<\/p>\n Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mouth left his, letting him breathe. He closed his eyes against the sting of new tears and buried his face in Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck while Krycek stroked the curve of his ear, the touch gentle and affectionate. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But then, I like you frightened,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the soft voice said.<\/p>\n He shivered, and his arms tightened around Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m glad,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Take it. Master\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/em> He drew a sharp breath. Christ, he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t meant to say that out loud. He was losing even the control he needed to follow the rules of their game: what the hell was wrong with him?<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fox,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. His mouth was soft against Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ear. Another shudder went through him, sharp and hard as the convulsions of fever. Then Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arms were loosening, and Krycek was moving back just a little. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fox, look at me,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said.<\/p>\n It was hard to make himself do it. His eyes were wet, and he had to blink a few times before his vision cleared. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek told him, still gentle and implacable. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Now. When you tell me you love me, you do it with your eyes open. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a rule, Fox. Remember it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n The pleasure was like an explosion behind his eyes and at the base of his spine. He heard himself cry out, and fought to keep his body still: his balls were tight, and his cock throbbed and twitched. The words themselves had almost been enough; anything more would send him over the edge, and he was not ready to end this, not yet.<\/p>\n Krycek was enjoying his performance, that was clear and comforting. Mulder could feel the strung-up exhilaration in Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body, in the controlled tension in all his muscles, in the precision of his hands as they moved on Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s head and back and ass.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fox,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said at last. His voice was oddly steadying. Mulder took a long breath, and then another, and turned his head to look at Krycek.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alex, I\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His voice caught, and his eyes squeezed shut again. No good. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153All right. I\u00e2\u20ac\u201dshit.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/em> His chest heaved again.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fox,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said once more. This time he moved, disentangling Mulder from his neck, pulling away again to look Mulder in the eyes. Mulder stared back at him, waiting.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make you any promises,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said, very gently. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know that. But think it through. Scully is alive.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Something was happening to him. His eyes were open, stretched wide, but he could not move, could not breathe. His heart pounded. Then Krycek moved, brought his hand up to caress Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s face, breaking the spell. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153 \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcMen have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 \u00e2\u20ac\u009d he heard Krycek say. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But not because you loved them.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he managed to say. He clung to Krycek, beyond control at last, and let the tears take him.<\/p>\n Krycek let him cry for what felt like a long time. There was no more need to fight: there was a kind of serenity in these tears. It was not unhappiness that made his body shake like this, but something else, something he could not put a name to. It was good, though, whatever it was, clean and bright like the Saturn boosters he had watched as a child, taking the long leap into space.<\/p>\n It was good; but it did not blot out his awareness of his body. His cock throbbed in time with his heartbeat, sending little shivers of pleasure through him. His face was wet, and so was Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck: it made him think of conductivity, as though the salt water that could carry electricity between their bodies had opened some other channel between them as well.<\/p>\n Krycek must have felt some change in his body. He moved then, slid his right hand up Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s spine and then forward, along his hairline and jaw, and down at last to close around Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s throat.<\/p>\n The touch was precise, not harsh but cold, detached and commanding. It went through him like an explosion, turning all the bright serenity to hunger in that instant. Mulder felt his eyes snap wide at it, felt himself gasp for air. His balls were hard and burning hot like stones that had been heated in a fire; his cock was filled with molten flame. The tears stopped as abruptly as though Krycek had reached into his body and thrown a switch; and he was arcing his throat up into Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand and sobbing out his pleasure.<\/p>\n The mocking voice sounded in his ear. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Very pretty, Fox. But I hope you have some self-control left.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered. It was almost defiance, he realized: as much horrified rejection of the mere idea of self-control as it was an admission that there was nothing left.<\/p>\n But Krycek just laughed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to have an interesting time of it, then,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. He pulled out of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s embrace, still laughing, and rolled Mulder over onto his belly. Mulder moaned at the flash of friction against his cock\u00e2\u20ac\u201dor perhaps it was at the touch of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands on his back and shoulders, guiding him down, it was hard to know which. He wriggled a little, parting his legs in appeal and anticipation. He felt Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s knees between his thighs, felt the warmth of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body leaning over him. Then Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands slipped under his arms and up around his shoulders, and Krycek was lifting him onto his knees. He fell backward, caught himself even as he felt Krycek steadying him; and then another wave of pleasure broke over him as he settled back against Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body and felt the head of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock press into his scrotum.<\/p>\n Krycek settled his right arm more firmly under Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s, and his right hand moved back to its place at Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s throat. His left hand moved between Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s buttocks. Mulder could feel the lubricant on his fingers. The hand withdrew, and for a dreadful moment he was sure that this was just another tease. The thought forced an odd whimpering sound from him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered.<\/p>\n Krycek laughed again. But that was all right: he was doing what Mulder needed, guiding his cock into Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body. Mulder tried to be still, but the relief was too much for him: his hips moved in sharp involuntary jerks, impaling him on Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock. Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s left hand left his ass then, travelled up the length of his chest to slide at last under his left arm, completing the hammerlock.<\/p>\n Mulder rested there against Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest for a moment. It was exquisite to be held this way, supported, free to think of nothing but the rising tide of pleasure in his ass and groin. He could hear Krycek growling softly with his own pleasure.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Now,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said at last. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I want to borrow your hands.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d There was a little gasp on the last word, and Krycek thrust deeply into him. One long stroke, a blaze of molten delight in its wake; a pause, and then another; and then Krycek was still again, leaving Mulder sobbing and fighting for control.<\/p>\n He did not trust his voice, but finally he managed to nod.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said. He took a long breath himself, and then he steadied. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know the way I touch you. My hands are full, so I want you to do it for me. I want those hands on your nipples, on the insides of your thighs, on your belly. But not your cock or balls, no matter how much you want them there.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s left hand brushed over Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lips in a kind of mocking emphasis. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You are listening to me, aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you, Fox?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He thrust into Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body again, the stroke slow and deliberate.<\/p>\n He moaned into Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fingers. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said, when he had breath again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m listening.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s head dipped for a moment, and Mulder felt his lips against his shoulder, a kiss that turned into an oddly gentle bite. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Because you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said softly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You love to be fucked. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to show you just how much you love it. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to fuck you to orgasm; and when you come, I want you to know that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my cock in your ass making you do it. Nothing else. Got it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered once more.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153All right. Then show me how well you know me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n A hard shiver went through his body, and his hands were suddenly trembling. Mulder fought to still them. It was shame, and he knew it, even through this haze of pleasure and urgent need. And this was a hell of a thing to suddenly be embarrassed about\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit was ridiculous that he could still be embarrassed about anything with Krycek. Krycek had had the use of his ass and his mouth for more than a year; he had seen Mulder kneel to him, listened to Mulder beg for the touch of his hand. But somehow the shame was still there, still fresh enough to open new wounds, to add to his degradation\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand his pleasure. Of course he knew how Krycek touched him. Krycek knew that; he knew how Mulder conjured his presence when he was alone in D.C., how he touched himself in the familiar patterns. Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 they would be harsh on his nipples, now that Krycek had finally ended the tease and condescended to fuck him; harsh enough to be sure that Mulder would feel it, that it was not entirely swallowed up in what Krycek was doing to his ass. He took a long breath and brought his hands up to his chest. He stroked his nipples, then pinched them hard, ran his fingernails roughly over the tips.<\/p>\n The strength of the sensation took him by surprise. His body arced back hard, and his throat felt raw, as though he had shouted. His hands were moving without his conscious thought, toying with the soft skin above his cock, teasing, raking his inner thighs. And Krycek was right again; the pleasure was still building, dissolving thought, control, everything that was not this conflagration at his body\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s core. He surrendered to it, no longer able to think; seized Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s right hand and rested his face against it, trusting to Krycek to support him; and rode the building wave for what seemed like an impossibly long time, until the final pleasure crashed over him.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n Later, he lay with his head pillowed on Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest, floating in the afterglow. He could still feel his fear, somewhere beneath the moment\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s contentment, but that was all right now: it had become one of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s toys, something Krycek was doing to him for pleasure, a part of being owned. And as such, something proper and necessary, something that he should not be released from until it pleased Krycek to end it. Had he told Krycek that? Not that it mattered: Krycek would know it, to say it aloud would be pure self-indulgence. He felt himself smile a little. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alex,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said without moving. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do something for me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d It was his own voice again, steady, with the familiar roughness in it.<\/p>\n He felt Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s half-chuckle. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What did you have in mind?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Make sure I give you anything you want from me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He felt a little shiver go through him as he spoke: there was part of this that was a matter of the spirit and not merely of the body; and the spirit\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s capacity was not dulled by the body\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s satisfaction. No: the spirit still craved its pleasure. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anything,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered again, tasting the word on his lips. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll do anything you want me to do; I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll take anything you want to do to me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Another hard shudder went through him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m yours. Jesus, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m yours. Please, Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek ran one lazy finger over his mouth, silencing him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Trust me,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. His voice was relaxed too, but there was a lingering trace of burning delight in it, a mirror of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s own mood. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t I brought you this far?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder told him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You have.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He let out a long breath and closed his eyes, and they lay for a few minutes in silence.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You need your chains tightened a little, I think,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Krycek said at last. The hot, lascivious undertone was still in his voice. Then Mulder felt his body alter. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said, his voice suddenly clear. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not just now. I want to be awake for that. And right now, I propose to go back to sleep. If you want any more, you are going to have to go pester Alex for it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder groaned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153More?<\/em> You think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m capable?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Krycek grinned and reached for a pillow. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, I think you could be persuaded to be,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. The intent, dreamy look crossed his face for a moment. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If I wanted to wake up and really focus on it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Then the look was gone, and Krycek was stretching out, muscles melting into the sheets. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Now shut up and go to sleep,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Or else get out of here and find something else to do.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder laughed, and kissed his fingertips, and left him.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n Alex was dozing pleasantly, not really asleep, enjoying the feel of the cool cotton sheets snugged around the length of his body, and the soft pillow cradling his cheek. He liked the small bedroom; he felt safe and cozy there, despite the terror of those first few hours. And it was nice to have a little time to himself. He hoped Mulder and Krycek were having a good time, and that Mulder was getting himself thoroughly worked over, in just the way he liked. He amused himself for a moment by imagining them together: Krycek whispering cool, hypnotic orders into Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ear; Mulder groaning and gasping under Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s controlling touch. But then it started to look too much like another Krycek whispering adoring nonsense into another Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ear, and he had to stop. Well, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been thinking too much about sex anyway. Just empty out his mind, drift in the pleasantness of the cool sheets and soft pillow.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n There was a quiet tap on the door. Alex twisted around, propping himself up on his elbow, wincing at the sudden jab of pain in his shoulder. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d strained it again, which was no surprise, but it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really bother him. Just another of those little twinges that reminded him of really great sex. Mulder peered around the door, smiling tentatively.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hi.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder crept softly in and stood by the bed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s your \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcheadache\u00e2\u20ac\u2122?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex rubbed his temple. It actually was a little sore. Power of suggestion. Or just three days\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 worth of accumulated stress finally working its way out. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fine. How are you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder looked pretty wiped out. His eyes were red and swollen from crying; he had a fragile, run-over-by-a-truck look. But he was smiling. So it had been a good session. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d worked off his own tension and found a little peace.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m okay. Not exactly ready to run a marathon, but.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex pushed himself up, working his shoulder around in circles and giving it a brief rub\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d slept wrong on that shoulder, damn it, and made it ache worse\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthen pulled Mulder into his arms.<\/p>\n Mulder sat on the bed beside Alex and gave him a solid hug. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s with your shoulder?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nothing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex laughed into Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Old football injury. It gets sore sometimes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Like when you get your arms tied behind your back?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He loosened the embrace and leaned back to offer Mulder an embarrassed smile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It was worth it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s returning smile was accompanied by a slight shrug, as if to say, Who am I to judge how people get their pleasure? Then, suddenly, the smile brightened. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jacuzzi.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mm. Sounds good to me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n Mulder raided the kitchen for champagne and strawberries and chocolate truffles\u00e2\u20ac\u201dridiculously expensive things that Mulder had insisted on getting when Alex had tried to buy some Hershey bars. They lay back in the tub, hot water bubbling around their bodies, sipping champagne and nibbling strawberries and chocolate and sighing with pleasure. Alex felt incredibly decadent. It was heaven.<\/p>\n For a long time, they just sat in contented silence. This was so perfect, or it would be perfect, if only.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n What was his own Mulder doing right now? Working late, in dull misery, searching hopelessly for some clue in Scully\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s disappearance? Planning painful revenges on the junior partner who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d used and betrayed him? Or lying on his couch alone, trying to numb his tortured mind with well-worn videotapes? Alex sighed.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder was leaning back, eyes closed, one hand around a champagne glass. But obviously he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d heard the change in tone in that last sigh.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just thinking. Wondering.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d If it hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been for the champagne, he might have left it at that. Or maybe not. Maybe it was time to talk about it. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Wondering about my Mulder. What he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing right now. It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem fair, somehow, that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m lying here in a jacuzzi drinking champagne while he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s suffering alone.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d But maybe he shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be talking about those days. This Mulder had gone through the same thing, more or less, and it would still be painful, even though it had been several years ago for him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sorry. Didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean to bring that up.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder sat up. He looked relaxed, now, and content, if still a little ragged around the edges. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind. Tell me about him.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex leaned back now, and let his mind drift back to that day, just a few months ago for him, when he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d walked up to Fox Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s desk and handed him his 302 and wormed his way into Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s life. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Practically the first thing he did was send me off to requisition a car and ditch me. God, it was humiliating. Did you do that to him?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder just grinned.<\/p>\n Alex grinned back. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I thought he was a jerk. But it was my job. So I brought him coffee and candy bars and sucked up and played the good little Krycek-puppy. And he ate it up. Christ, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d think nobody\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d ever been nice to him before.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He took another sip of champagne and leaned back against the smooth tile of the tub, letting his mind drift back to those early days. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d assiduously avoided thinking about any of that since the day he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been told to pull out\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go on avoiding it forever. And who better to talk about it with than another Mulder, who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d understand better than anyone else what had happened between them?<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The first time he called me up late at night was about two weeks after we started working together. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just gotten home from the opera. He went on about nothing for a couple of minutes and hung up and I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think anything more about it. Just a pathetic, lonely guy with nothing better to do than wake people up in the middle of the night, I thought. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really know when things changed. When I started believing in it. When I started bringing him coffee because I wanted to, and looking forward to those phone calls. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really know it until after we slept together for the first time, but it happened a long time before that. Maybe it was that first phone call. It just felt like he needed me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He could see this Mulder worrying at it\u00e2\u20ac\u201dremembering that time, trying to fit this into his experience with his own Krycek. Alex couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t imagine Krycek being anything like as solicitous as he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been, even submersed in the role of the green junior agent. And Mulder said it hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been like that for them. So when the betrayal came, it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have been quite so painful. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll never forget the way he looked at me, that day after Scully disappeared.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His voice had gone quiet, barely more than the bubbling of the water. He leaned his head back, and stared at the ceiling.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He was in pain, but it was more than pain. He looked so lost, like the entire universe had just turned upside down. Like he just couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t comprehend the idea of a world without Scully in it. He hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t slept all night, and he was all rumpled and unshaven and most of the time he was just swimming along in a haze of pain, working like the world would end if he stopped for just a second. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d look at me, and it was like he was begging me to make the world make sense again.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n His head was spinning. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know if it was the champagne, or.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 He sank down deeper in the water, until the bubbles foamed around his lips as he spoke. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153All I wanted to do was help him. Hold him and tell him everything was going to be all right. Bring Scully back to him, never let anything hurt him again.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sure, himself, whether the moisture on his face was water, sweat, or tears.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help him. I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help Scully. Next thing I knew, they were telling me to keep him from getting to the top of the mountain, and handing me poisoned water to give to Duane Barry, and telling me to pack up and get out. And I just did it, I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what else to do. \u00e2\u20ac\u201dGod, I hope Scully\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all right.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He forced himself to sit up. This wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t good, he was just going to get Mulder upset. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry, Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d But he was saying it to his own Mulder. And apologizing for a lot more than talking too much.<\/p>\n Mulder regarded him sadly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll get you home, Alex. If there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a way, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll get you home.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex sniffed and nodded and forced himself to smile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Meanwhile, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll lay around in the jacuzzi and have lots of great sex. Nothing to complain about.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And that reminded him of something else\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand, as long as he was being honest, he might as well tell Mulder the truth about that, too.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder, about last night. It was my Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe way you touched me, and fucked me, even some of the things you said\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit was so much like him.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 It was good, really<\/em> good, but it hurt, too. I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t handle it. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why I freaked. That other stuff I told you was true, too, sort of, but it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the main thing. I just didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think it would do any good to tell you. I mean, I knew you weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t doing it on purpose, you can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help being Mulder, and I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want you to think we couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have sex without me freaking out.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He laughed shortly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Although so far there hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been much evidence of that. Anyway, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder nodded. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what we thought, but we weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sure.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex laughed again, nervously. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153God, you were comparing notes. Well, of course you were. I guess he told you I did the same thing to him when he played Mulder for me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah. Actually, it made me feel a little better about it, to know that he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell either that you were freaking until it was all over.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like that, does he? Not having people play their parts the way they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re supposed to. Not being in control of every little detail.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No. But that isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t all it is. He really does care about you, Alex. And you should have told me. If I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d known how you were really feeling, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have done something different.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex shrugged, relaxing again, enjoying the way the water tickled his shoulders. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It felt good. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to stop. I guess I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know myself how bad it was affecting me till it was all over.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, you should have told me after, then. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what to think. It\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 it was a long night.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder frowned at him for a moment. Then, suddenly, the frown turned to mock severity. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alex, you know what this means.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex forced his own voice to be serious as he fed Mulder his line. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to have to describe everything you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve done with your Mulder. In detail. So I can avoid doing the same thing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex giggled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure, Mulder. We can trade. You give me the play-by-play on some of the things you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve done with your Krycek. Or no, you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind when I do the same thing as he does\u00e2\u20ac\u201dtell me some of the things you wish he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d do, and doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. Then maybe I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll do them for you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder grinned. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pretty much what you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been doing. Anyway, you already owe me one from last night. You were supposed to tell me about leather bars.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay, so which do you want, the story about leather bars or the story about my Mulder?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d It was so easy to fall into: that comfortable, friendly teasing banter. Well, of course\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit was Mulder. Any<\/em> Mulder would be like this. Why fight it?<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Both. I want them both.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, then you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to have to come up with a story, too. Story for story, Mulder. You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got a vivid imagination, and all those videotapes and magazines for inspiration\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll bet you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got some great fantasies spinning around in there.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He let his own voice fall into the low, hypnotic tone he used for telling stories, quiet and inviting and intimate. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to be anything real, or anything you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d ever really want to have happen. Or even anything that actually could<\/em> really happen. Make it as wild and excessive and outrageous as you want. Tell me a story, Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Like you did this morning?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This morning?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The story about the gold chain. Which I really liked, by the way. You started out to tell me something else, though, didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you? You changed gears all of a sudden. What were you about to tell me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex shook his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to hear that one, Mulder. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How can you be so sure? Why don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you tell me and let me decide.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No. Believe me, Mulder. It was crude and sleazy and disgusting and.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex stopped, grinning. This wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t helping, it was just making Mulder want to hear it more. But he knew it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s style at all. Just brief, over-the-top vision of Mulder in Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s office, as he had been that morning, handing in his resignation in an unequivocal and irrevocable way, afterwards to be taken home and slave-trained by Krycek. Too much Drummer<\/em> and Mr. Benson.<\/em> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Look, Mulder, you wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have liked it. It just would have grossed you out.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How do you know?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Because it grossed me<\/em> out.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He giggled again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Trust me, Mulder. Anyway, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve already got two stories of mine stacked up, and you haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t come up with anything to tell me yet.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder actually blushed. Alex loved it. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what to tell you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Okay, it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to be easy for him. But he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem resistant, just embarrassed and unsure. He needed a little encouragement and help to get started. What about the Skinner idea? A man in authority, an ex-Marine, and who wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t notice those shoulders? Alex had had a thought or two in that direction himself. It was a fair bet that Mulder had a story about his boss in him somewhere. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I was wondering what Skinner would do if he found out what kind of things you like. I bet you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve thought about that yourself.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder went beet-red. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maybe.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153 \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcMaybe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex teased. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I bet you could figure something out on pretty short notice, anyway. How about that? A Skinner fantasy, for one of my stories. Take your pick.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder took a deep breath, and a sip of champagne. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You first.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex nodded. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fair. Which story do you want?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder regarded him thoughtfully. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Your first time with your Mulder. If that wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be too hard for you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex held himself very still. His first time with Mulder: he brought the image into his mind, and tested his reactions against it. Would it be too hard? It would hurt, no way around that, but the pain seemed to be manageable. But he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d better make sure. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to say he could do it, and then freak out about it afterwards.<\/p>\n He forced a small smile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay. But it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not much of a stiffener. No complaining about it after, though\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI still get that Skinner fantasy, okay?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s returning smile was just as forced. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Agreed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex let himself sink into the hot water again, and leaned his head back against the tiles. It was better to cuddle up close for this sort of thing, but this was a story about Mulder, told to another Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think he could handle lying in this Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arms while he told it. So he closed his eyes and let the swirling waters hold and caress him.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It was a couple of months after we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d started working together. There had been those late-night phone calls, and nights we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d stayed at work until late, eating pizza and talking about nothing and not getting any work done. I never thought there was anything sexual in it at the time, but looking back on it, I guess it was really pretty obvious what was happening. Even if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d seen it then, though, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have thought it was just a harmless flirtation, not likely to go anywhere.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Then one night, around three in the morning, he showed up at my door. He hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been to my place before, although he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d called me that late, or later. He came in, trying to pretend that everything was okay and he was just dropping by for a visit, which was ridiculous, of course. I asked him what was wrong, and finally he told me\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just been at Scully\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d made a pass at her and she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d turned him down. He was obviously pretty upset about it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Had the whole relationship with Alex just been an attempt to escape the pain of being rejected by Scully? There hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been enough time to find out. He knew Mulder loved Scully; trusted her and needed her. Counted on her to keep him steady. But was it sexual love? Perhaps when\u00e2\u20ac\u201dif\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe returned home, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d find Mulder and Scully married and the brief affair with Alex forgotten, or relegated to that place one has for disastrous mistakes made on the way to true love.<\/p>\n And couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he go ten minutes without finding something new to worry about? Scully didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want Mulder; she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d made that clear. And so Mulder had come to Alex.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I put my arm around his shoulder and said I was sorry. And he just fell into my arms, and hung on for dear life. Well, nothing wrong with that\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthat was what he came for, I thought, just some comfort and sympathy before he went home. Even when I felt we were both hard, I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t worry about it. I figured it was just the heat of the moment, or something, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just enjoy a little free thrill and that would be it. Then he was pressing his thigh between my legs, and finally I figured out he wanted more than just a friendly hug. And then he kissed me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The words were hopelessly inadequate to describe what had happened when he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d tasted Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mouth that first time. That was the moment he knew he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d crossed the line; that his definition of himself had changed\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe was no longer Alex Krycek, alone, but Alex Krycek (he could admit it to himself although he wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say it to anyone else), in love with Fox Mulder. Every moment since then had been merely a vain attempt to deny that awful truth, to find a way back over that line.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He wanted to go to bed. I tried to say no, I knew it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t right. But he wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give up, and\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 I wanted him. He said he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be alone, and I let him talk me into it. So I took him to bed.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He was so wound up it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take much. He came on top of me, just rubbing himself off on my crotch. I was hoping he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d let it go, then. Be satisfied with that and go home and we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d pretend it never happened. But he wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t stop. He\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 he started to blow me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex laughed a small, choked laugh. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had better blow jobs. But god, he tried. And I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take much either. He was so sweet\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 I thought I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d die. Afterwards, I pretended to be asleep. I just couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t face him. So he tucked me in and went home.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder had been edging closer, and was now only a few inches away from Alex. But he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t cross the final distance\u00e2\u20ac\u201dprobably afraid of freaking Alex out again\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand Alex was grateful, both for the closeness and the small space left between them. Alex heaved a ragged sigh, and reminded himself that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d promised not to let this get to him. But it was hard, and it took a couple of deep breaths before he could force himself to look Mulder in the eye and smile. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153See, I told you. Not much of a stiffener.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder returned the smile, more out of sympathy than amusement. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But what happened after that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, the next day was pretty awful. I was pissed as hell\u00e2\u20ac\u201dmostly at myself, for letting it happen\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand he was worried and sorry and scared. First thing he did was ask me if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d seen Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u201dprobably thought I was going to bring him up sexual harassment charges or something. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to talk about it but eventually he forced the issue. Pulled right off the damn freeway and insisted we had to work it out before we went any further. And he was right, I suppose\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwe couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have gotten any work done the way things were. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s when he told me it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just Scully, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been making him crazy. I called him a fucking liar and said it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to happen again. And things were okay then, sort of, although we were never quite as comfortable with each other after that.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s how things stayed, until we went to Montana on a case. Which was, Jesus, barely a couple of weeks ago on my timeline.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 But that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s another story, and you owe me one before you get any more from me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His grin was almost natural this time.<\/p>\n Mulder nodded. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153In a minute, I promise. But may I ask you something first?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n So damned polite. And that was Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s training, no doubt, and one very big difference between the Mulders\u00e2\u20ac\u201dAlex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s own Mulder wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ask permission, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just ask his questions, and demand answers. Oh, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be nice about it. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d make jokes and tease and his demands would be gentle. But he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d insist on having his way with Alex, and Alex would melt like chocolate in his fingers and give him whatever he wanted.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You said your Mulder wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t into the rough stuff. Did that bother you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n And how to answer that? Their relationship had been so short, and so drenched with guilt and regret and fear\u00e2\u20ac\u201dfor both of them, although over different things\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthey had never reached a point where they could sit down calmly and talk about what they liked. But it certainly wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t as if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been lying there bored because his Mulder wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t whipping him. Nor could he imagine finding sex with Mulder unsatisfying, regardless of whether he ever got the punishment he wanted along with the gentleness.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t bother me. Sure, I would have liked it if he was, but it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really matter. The leather scene is great for casual sex and anonymous quickies, because everything\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ritualized and the rules are laid out and you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to worry about figuring out what the other guy wants. But when you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re with somebody regular, somebody you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re with because of them, and not just for sex, well, then it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter so much what you do.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been wanting to ask you about that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder was suddenly intent. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If the game you play is so ritualized, why does it really matter who you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re with? But you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re saying.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex finished cheerfully. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I mean, it does, to a certain extent. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want somebody gross and horrible. And some guys play the game better than others. But it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a game thing, not an emotional thing. Hell, Mulder. There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s recreational sex, and then there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sex with someone you care about. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re two different things, Mulder, you know that.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said, frowning. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So S\/M is for casual sex, and for real sex it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 then why are you so intent on having your Evil Twin do you that way? I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d call casual sex.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jesus, Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex laughed nervously. Well, he was a Mulder wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he? He wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to let you get away with generalizations and sloppy thinking, he wanted to know the truth. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay. Well, first of all, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the way he wants it, isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it? Does he even do<\/em> vanilla? If that was what he wanted, sure, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d go for it. But it isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a major top, who wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want him that way?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He stopped and sighed. He wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t making much sense. Time to back up a little. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, god, Mulder. You know I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t exactly been my usual self since I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been here. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not a hysterical, sex-crazed idiot by nature. I have a job\u00e2\u20ac\u201dor I had<\/em> one, up until a few days ago\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m good at it. I had a pretty normal life. I went to work, I read books, I went to the opera, I hung out with friends. Every couple of months, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d pack up my leathers and head for New York for a wild weekend in the clubs and baths, but I could have lived without that if I had to. Mostly I needed it when I got scared or worried or upset.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He laughed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know, like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been ever since I got here.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He reached for another truffle, and watched the chocolate slowly melt on his fingers. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153First thing he did was pull a gun on me and knock me out. And I wake up naked and chained to a bed, and he proceeds to shoot me up with drugs and fuck me. Not exactly a vanilla beginning. And, Christ, look at me, Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have a single thing in this entire universe, except what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s given me. I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seen my wallet since he snatched me, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got it stashed somewhere or if it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s gone the way of the clothes I had on when I got here. We can pretend he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not holding me prisoner, but we all know how far I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d get if I tried to leave. Hell, he could kill me any time he wanted to, and nobody\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d ever know the difference\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even exist in this world. So he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s trying to be nice to me right now\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI guess he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d rather not have me throwing screaming fits every time he turns around, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s easier on his nerves to try to settle me down. But that could change in a minute, and we both know it\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe can do any damn thing he wants with me, and there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a damn thing I can do about it.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So I turn it into a sex thing. Well, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s how I react to that kind of power and control. I guess it makes the rest of it more bearable, to just go into heavy submissive mode and use the situation that way. Except\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want it that way. I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m finally figuring out what it is that he wants.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want me groveling at his feet. Or, no, he does<\/em> want me groveling\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut he wants me doing it because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. He wants.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d God, he was no good at explaining these kinds of things. And he barely understood it himself. But there was something about the way Krycek had taken him that morning that was beginning to seem terribly important\u00e2\u20ac\u201deven though it had been wonderful and soothing and sweet to be taken that way, there was also something deeply humiliating about it\u00e2\u20ac\u201dKrycek had been kind and careful with him because he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d known Alex couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take anything rougher. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been holding back, because Alex wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t strong enough for what he really wanted. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He wants strength. And I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have any right now. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll ever have enough for what he wants.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n And now he was going way, way too far. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Never mind, Mulder, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m just telling stories again. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s your turn now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He slid next to Mulder, and draped an arm around his shoulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Time for that Skinner fantasy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n Mulder settled himself into Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arm. Dammit, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d promised himself that he wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to try to explain the two Kryceks to each other any more. Alex sounded like he meant what he was saying: he still believed that Krycek was likely to shoot him at any moment. It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t true, but how could you explain the truth to him? Look, Alex, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a complete sociopath. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just got the sociopath mode available, like those utility trucks that have four-wheel-drive available. He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go around killing people once he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s put them in his little mental set of real people. At least, not unless he has to. So you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to worry, unless you do something incredibly stupid, or something to make him move you back into the category of not-real people, okay?<\/em> No. Even if Alex believed it, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d only start worrying about what might make Krycek stop considering him a real person. It was pointless: Alex and Krycek were were just going to have to figure out a way to talk to each other. Better to let it go, and give Alex the story he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d promised.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n He shivered. This was going to be hard. Of course he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had fantasies about Walter Skinner. He could make a new one up, give Alex that instead of one of the real fantasies, and that would be easier. But that would also be cheating: Alex might not see it that way, but Krycek certainly would. So give Alex the truth, give him the real thing. It would be frightening to make the confession, and humiliating; and it was precisely the sort of confession that his own Krycek might require from him.<\/p>\n And Krycek would certainly require him to give Alex what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d asked for; and Mulder was in no position to balk. Anything\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/em> He could hear his own voice, from barely two hours ago, soft and chastened. Do what you like, do anything. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll do anything. Please.<\/em> It helped, to think of it that way. Take this for what it was: Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s will, and Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s power working on him. Alex wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s obedience offered to him; his feelings about his own Mulder were difficult enough for him to deal with, without the complications. He would want Mulder to tell his story in the same spirit in which they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d made the bargain: a game between buddies.<\/p>\n But that could be even better. Tell the thing so that Alex could see it from behind Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes; so that he could taste Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pleasure in it. It might not work any better than the last few attempts at explaining it to Alex, but there was a chance.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he told Alex. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This one\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d It was still hard. He took a deep breath and tried again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This starts off from something that really happened. So I need to tell you about that first, to set it up.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He looked sideways at Alex, half waiting for permission. Alex was grinning, obviously enjoying his embarrassment. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Then tell me about it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re dodging, Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m easily embarrassed,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder told him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay. I told you a little about the case in Idaho yesterday. Obviously, it was over eventually. So we all picked up our toys and went home. There was no mention of seeing each other again\u00e2\u20ac\u201dnot even the classic \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll call you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand that was fine with me. Or at least I told myself it was.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153One afternoon there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a memo telling me I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got a command performance on the Idaho thing scheduled for the next morning. I figured it was going to be the usual\u00e2\u20ac\u201da whole lot of anonymous guys in good suits, looking for somebody to blame for a mistake they weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to identify. I still figured it that way the next day, when I was waiting outside the conference room for Scully to come out and tell me it was my turn.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He felt his lips stretch in a grin that was really more a show of teeth. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153When Scully came out, she gave me this long look, like she wanted to tell me something and couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. So I suppose I half knew even before I walked in there and saw him, sitting there down toward the end of the conference table with all the other nameless authorities.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He had the memory now, in his body as well as in his mind. He could almost feel the shock of the moment, half pleasure and half terror: his mouth suddenly dry, his heart racing, the faint dizziness; all the little symptoms of the rush of adrenaline in his blood. He let his head settle back against Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arm. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153God, he was smooth. He looked up and nodded to me when I came in, just the right degree of public acknowledgement that he knew me, that we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d worked on this thing together, without giving anything else away.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder stopped himself. That was all perfectly true; but whether it was true wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the point. He was slipping, making this too easy for himself. Giving Alex facts, as though this were a briefing, without the emotion that gave the story its meaning. Krycek would not permit the evasion, if he were listening to this, and Mulder had no business allowing it to himself. He took a long breath and tried it again. Go back to the frightening parts, what it felt like.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He was beautiful,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d managed to forget how beautiful, in the time I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been back\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI remembered what he looked like, but not what it felt like to be in the same room with him, to actually look at him. Beautiful, and terrifying. He had this high polish, this aura: it was like being in a room with an enormous hunting cat.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I managed to keep the surface up. I nodded back to him, and started taking questions. It was hard to talk for the first few minutes\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit was like having a goddamn junior high crush, I kept thinking my voice was going to break\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut then I got it under control. By the time I did, by the time I was focused on the damn questions, it was obvious that there was something going on. I was getting hit with all these things that made no sense at all, I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell what the point was. And the whole room tensed a little more with every one I answered. I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t figure it out, but I could feel Skinner at the head of the table, getting ready to go way out on a limb to put a stop to it. Whatever the hell it was.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Then, finally, Krycek spoke up. He asked me a question\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter what it was, it would take all night to explain\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut it made a point that these people obviously hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t considered. I answered it, and he asked one followup question; and by the time I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d answered the second one whatever the hell had been going on in there was over. But I knew, at the same time I was answering him, that that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t why he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d asked me the question. Or it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t the only reason.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder paused, smiling at the memory.<\/p>\n Alex stirred beside him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Which was\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 ?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder chuckled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know the protocol for those things,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You stand there at the head of the table like a schoolboy, all formal and polite and correct, while they all lounge back in those chairs and look as if they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re considering whether to send you to Siberia to work in a reeducation camp.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 He called me \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcMr. Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 when he asked his question. And he knew perfectly well that when I answered, I was going to have to stand up there and call him \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcsir.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 In front of them all.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He called up the memory: he could see Krycek sitting at the long table, watching Mulder with the barest hint of a smile on his face, could feel the little frisson as he realized: Krycek had created this moment deliberately. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153His pleasure, and our private little joke. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s still the only time I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve ever called him \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcsir.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 It was good, I liked it. I hope he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll let me have that again some day.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He was drifting off the point again. Too damn easy, to talk about Krycek. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Skinner saw some of what was happening,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he told Alex. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He was angry, I could see that. I knew what he had to think\u00e2\u20ac\u201das far as he knew there was still a feud, and Krycek was just taking the opportunity to needle me in public. But what had happened was too subtle for him to call Krycek on it, even if he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d thought it was worth it, so as far as I knew he just let it go.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder stopped and stretched, shifting against Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s side. Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand tightened a little on his shoulder.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all the background,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You with me so far?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex nodded.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay. The next part\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the fantasy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s maybe an hour after I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been excused from the damn meeting. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m on my way up to Records, and I use it as an excuse to kind of wander by Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s office. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m looking for, exactly: Cancerman, men in black going through his desk, something. And when I get to the hall outside his office, I can hear him talking to somebody all right. He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sound happy, either.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I slow down, try to pick up some of what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s saying. The hall\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s clear, but I still don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to be too obvious about what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m doing. There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a spot just outside the door where the acoustics are good enough for me to hear. And it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s clear right off that the guy he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s talking to is Krycek, and this is about me.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153At this point, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m afraid to move, like if I take a deep breath they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to notice me. Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chewing Krycek out, very quietly and calmly: whatever interagency arrangements have been made, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not going to tolerate Krycek coming in here and abusing his agents. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s harder to hear Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s answer\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhis voice has gone very quiet, like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s being careful about how far he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s projecting. But I can get enough of it to follow what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going on. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s very reasonable, not at all hostile: he agrees that it would be inappropriate of him to harass Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s agents; but, he tells Skinner, that wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t what was going on. Skinner doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sound exactly convinced, though.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 And then suddenly I can hear Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice very clearly. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s moved toward the door, without making a sound, you know the way he does; and now he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s saying, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcBut fortunately, Agent Mulder is right here. Why don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t we ask him?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Now I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m completely trapped. Krycek is standing to one side and ushering me into the inner office\u00e2\u20ac\u201dalmost herding me, really. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the closest I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been to him since Idaho; I feel like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m blushing, and I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know whether it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s from being caught listening or just from having him there. Now all three of us are in Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s office, and Krycek closes the door behind us and grins at me, and says, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcIt\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lucky you came by, we need you to answer a question. Mulder: do you feel I was harassing you in that dog-and-pony show this morning?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153As a matter of fact, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. I know he was playing games in there, and some of those games were directed at me, but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been more or less playing back. It hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been what it looked like to Skinner. So I look at both of them, and then I tell Skinner, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcNo. It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t out of line.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153My voice sounds all right to me as I say it. But the instant it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s out of my mouth, I know something\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s happened. The way Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s looking at me has changed, just enough so I can tell something\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s off. My reactions are all too slow: it takes me too long to turn and look at Krycek, too long for me not to have given some of it away right there. And when I do look at him, his smile has changed, too, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s holding his body just a little differently. And then I know for certain: I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve blown it. The only question is whether Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to acknowledge what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just found out.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a question I have a lot of time to worry about. Because Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s already making the situation worse. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got the situation sized up, all right: he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wearing one of his completely open, confiding expressions, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s focused completely on Skinner. And he says to him, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcAll right, this is probably fortunate. I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want for it to go any further, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s information that you should have.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell what Skinner thinks. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nodding a little, he obviously agrees that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s something he ought to know about, but that doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s happy with the situation. Or that he isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. There doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to be anything more to say about it. Only I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m wrong about that: Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s talking again. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s almost running his game on Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthere\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that subtext in his voice, the one that says, I respect you, everybody else is a moron but I can tell you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re different, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in this together.<\/em> He says, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcAs long as we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re putting things on the table here\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Now he does look at me, for just a second; but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s long enough for me to feel it, as though he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s reached over and touched my face. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite stop the shiver, I know they can see it. And Krycek nods to himself and goes right on, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI know how unlikely it is that you would find him at all to your taste. But in case I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m wrong. He is completely at your disposal, if you ever find you want him. \u00e2\u20ac\u201dIt\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a real issue, actually. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m in New York; I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give him all the attention he needs.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s smiling now. I can see something in that smile, too: I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know where he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s getting his information from, but that business about not thinking Skinner would want me is a lie. A polite social fiction. He thinks there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a decent chance Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to go for it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder paused. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You have to understand,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said carefully, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say no to him. I was afraid to. After that first night, I spent a lot of time worrying it over; and I made a decision. That this was something I wanted, that I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want it to stop. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know where I stood with him; I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know whether he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just give me that smile and walk out the first time I refused him anything. There were times when I thought it could be fun to say no, put up a fight, see just how long it took him to knock the rebellion out of me, and how he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d go about doing it. But he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a rapist. I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t rely on him knowing that when I said no, I meant yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He stopped again, and the silence stretched. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say no,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said at last. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say it now, even with him handing me over to my boss like a box of chocolates, or like a book he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not going to have time to read this week. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m blowing what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s maybe my only chance to get out of this situation, and on some level I know that. But I still don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say anything. Partly I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m too stunned; partly I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m scared. But mostly, it just feels so damned good, to be possessed like this. To be owned so completely that he can do this to me. My body isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t waiting for me to figure it out, anyway. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m already hard, my skin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so sensitive that all my clothes hurt. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m afraid to even look at Skinner.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know whether either of them has noticed my reaction. Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s way too smart to have slowed down and given Skinner a chance to think about what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s happening, or even a chance to say anything. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s looking at his watch before he even finishes making the offer, and then he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s telling us that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s late for a meeting across town, if the Guys In Suits get out of hand again Skinner knows how to get in touch with him; and then he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s out the door. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m standing there in Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s office, and I still haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t managed to say a word, and Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s looking at me. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just like a dozen other times in that office. It doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even seem possible that the last five minutes have happened. They shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t<\/em> have happened, anyway. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all I can think of to hang on to: it shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have happened, we can say it didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. So I nod to Skinner and turn toward the door myself, just like nothing\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s happened, nothing at all.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He stops me before I get two steps, of course. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcAgent Mulder,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 he says. His voice is flat, not giving anything away. The way it always is, whether he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s getting ready to chew me out about something or getting ready to put his career on the line backing us up on something. So I turn around and come back to stand in front of his desk.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been looking down at the papers on his desk, but now he raises his head and looks me in the eye. He holds the look for what feels like too long. Then he says, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcFirst. I want you to know that this information is not going to go any further.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to handle this as a professional issue. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcThank you, sir,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 I say. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI appreciate that.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 And I do, but at the same time, I realize I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m disappointed. More than disappointed: I am now, to repeat a phrase, well and truly fucked. Because up to now, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been able to tell myself that Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a unique phenomenon, that wanting him doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean I have to reevaluate my own sexual orientation. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell myself that any more, though, because I want Skinner. Worse than that. I want Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock. I want to feel myself stretched around it, want to feel it, taste it. Maybe I want it because of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s offer, but that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not enough to let me duck the issue.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s still giving me that look. And now he says, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcAnd I want you to know that there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no need for you to worry about the consequences of Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s offer.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been meeting his eyes all this time. I nod just a little. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t worried, sir,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 I tell him. The words are neutral enough, but as I hear it come out I know that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s clear enough what I mean. His eyes open a little wider, and his back stiffens\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s heard what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m really saying, too.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153 \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcAgent Mulder,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 he says. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcThere\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no need\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153 \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI know there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no need,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 I tell him. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI want to.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Then I lose my nerve a little. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve stepped back, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m looking at this as though I were seeing it on surveillance tape or something; and I realize what I must sound like. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a picture I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m proud of; but at the same time that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s exciting, too. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcThat is,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 I say, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcIf I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t disgust you.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m really talking to myself, not just to him.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He gets up from the desk then, and comes around to where I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m standing. He takes the long way around, and I realize a moment after he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s done it that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s locked the office door. Then he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s standing next to me, and saying, very quietly, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcNo, Agent Mulder. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t disgust me.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 I turn toward him just a little, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s enough: he takes me in his arms and kisses me.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s tall, you know that. Taller than I am: tall enough to bend my head back to kiss me, tall enough that my body\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arced backward into his. I feel small, and fragile. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a possessive kiss, but not like Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s: this is less deliberate, rougher and more urgent. He takes his time, but it still hasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t lasted long enough to suit me when he pulls away and tells me to undress.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I do it, of course. He stands back a few feet and watches me, half-smiling, not giving much away. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s taken off his jacket, and now he unbuckles his belt, unzips and takes his cock out. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell whether he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ever planning to take the rest of his clothes off\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit sure doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t look like it. But it was his cock I wanted, after all, and there it is.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He chuckles, and I realize that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been standing there staring at it and licking my lips. But I also realize\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwell, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a way I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m in luck here. The thing about all those adult videos\u00e2\u20ac\u201dyou see enough dicks in them, enough really unnatural, gigantic mutant dicks, that when you meet up with real ones: well, they may be big enough to impress you, but they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not going to be big enough to scare you. Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s is, ah, impressive. Matches his shoulders. But it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t scare me, just makes me hungry for it.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d sort of half hoped to use my mouth to get things rolling, get down on my knees and taste it and feel it grow in between my lips; but that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not going to be necessary. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m standing there, waiting for the next move\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand his damn intercom buzzes.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He turns and hits the button on it, perfectly businesslike. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s his secretary, asking him if she can put this call through. I can tell listening to this that it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s important, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no way he can get out of taking this. He sits back down at his desk, completely unflustered, and takes the call. And two minutes into that, I can see that this is a complex problem, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to have to deal with it, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to take longer than just this one phone call. All of a sudden this has turned into a bad sitcom. I figure I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d better just get dressed and slip out of there, leave him to it. So I catch his eye and make the relevant gestures; but instead of nodding he shakes his head, pretty emphatically, and gestures for me to stay.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So there I am, standing naked with a hard-on in the assistant director\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s office while he moves from one conference call to another. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s perfectly cool, like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not even there. But every so often I catch him looking at me. And I finally figure out, this is at least partly a tease. So I decide maybe I can tease back a little. I move away from the desk, over to the couch by the wall, so he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be able to see me, so the desk won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be in the way. I sprawl out on the couch. I can feel him watching me now, so I spread my legs just a little, let him see some inner thigh. And he reacts, all right. He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really do anything; but now he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s more than watching me: I can feel the attention. But he still doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t put the goddamned phone down. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure that this isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t something that really can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wait any more\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just running a game on me now. So I give it a few minutes, and then I take my cock in one hand and start working it for him. Nothing heavy: I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not going anywhere with this, just keeping it nice and hard for him.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That finally gets him, thank god. He drags it out another couple of minutes, but then he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s getting off the phone, telling his secretary he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to be interrupted unless there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s an emergency. He comes out from behind his desk, and now he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s slipping off his belt as he walks across the office to me, winding it around his right hand. He looks down at me and says, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcDo you think your behavior is appropriate, Agent Mulder?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153 \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcNo, sir,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 I tell him. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hard not to smile at him\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m excited, pleased he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s letting me have this.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153 \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t either,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 he tells me. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcStep over here.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s walking me over to the conference table, bending me over it. I know what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s coming. I rest my cheek against the table, brace myself on it. He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to tell me to spread my legs, I know enough to do it. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s somewhere behind me, I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see what he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing; but I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have long to wait before I feel the belt come down across my ass.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s great. Everything about it is great. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s only using the last six or eight inches of the belt, not hitting me hard. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just enough to sting and tease, redden my ass a little and make me even hotter than I was. Even the sound, the crack of it coming down, is perfect, the sound the whip makes in my dreams. I spread my legs a little wider, and try not to wiggle too much under it.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Krycek would be talking to me, making sure I was right there with him: by itself, this wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be intimate enough for him. Skinner doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t talk. But there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s still a kind of intimacy there. And this way there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s room for my mind to drift a little, to think about Krycek as well as Skinner. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like having both of them with me, enjoying me, at the same time: everything Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing is Skinner, but what he does to me is also what Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing to me, because all this is happening under his command. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not just an intellectual thing, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like I can feel both of them, every time the belt comes down.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It feels like this could go on forever. The pleasure is perfectly balanced, sharp little points of sensation that don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seem to push me further toward orgasm. But I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m more than ready when I finally feel his fingers exploring my ass, then lubricating me. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need much preparation by then, and he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make me wait: he holds me steady and gives me his cock where I need it the most.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m moaning at the friction, and at the feeling of his body against my swollen ass. He gives me a few gentle strokes, and then he pulls me up, so that my back nestles into his chest, so that he can use his hands along the front of my body. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s good; but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hard to stay on my feet. He can feel that, too: he moves us down, carefully, so that we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re kneeling on the carpet. I stay impaled on his cock the whole way down; and then I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got some stability. I feel the carpet against my knees and shins, and I lean back into him. I feel his hands running along my thighs, his teeth on my shoulder. And then he settles in and starts to fuck me.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s rough with me. Rougher than Krycek. He pinches my nipples, my belly, the insides of my thighs. Hard pinches: I know I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m going to have bruises later. He tugs on my balls, even gives them a few light slaps. It hurts, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s good, too: I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m too deeply aroused for it to completely register as pain. Besides, I like it that it hurts, I like what the pain means: that I belong to him and to Krycek; that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s entitled to take what he wants from me. Everywhere he touches me, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like a little jolt of sensation straight through my cock. I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hold still on his cock, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m gasping and writhing around on it\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut that seems to be okay with him. He doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t try to stop me, just goes on doing the things that make me moan and wriggle. Then he eases off, and I settle down a little. He waits for it. Then, when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m still, he holds me in place and gives me a set of fast hard thrusts. I can feel myself trying to move with him\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand then he lets me go again, changes the pace, goes back to teasing and playing with my nipples and balls. He goes on like that, alternating between the two: letting me settle down, then taking over the motion and giving me a series of those long hard strokes\u00e2\u20ac\u201dmaybe just one or two, for a tease, one time; and then the next time enough to have me on the brink before he eases up. I want to come that way, with him fucking me hard in the ass, without even a touch on my cock. I want him to work my balls and nipples so that it hurts now and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m still feeling it tomorrow; I want to feel his teeth on my shoulders; I want the fucking to last forever. And I suddenly realize that I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m talking to him, saying every word of this out loud: telling him how much I love the way he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fucking me, how I never want it to stop, how I want it so hard he hurts me.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know whether he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s listening. But he gives me what I want. I feel myself starting to come, and having my body convulsing around him finishes him, too. I sag back into him; he lets me stay there for a few minutes, wraps his arms across my chest and lets me lie back and not worry, not think. Then he kisses my shoulder, very gentle, and disentangles himself, helps me stand up. I still have my back to his chest, I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t see him. We don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to ask each other whether we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re all right: I can tell he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s okay about this from the way he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s helped me up, that combination of strength and gentleness in his touch. I bend my head and kiss his forearm, to let him know I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m all right too; and he pulls away from me. I hear him zipping up his pants; and I shake myself and look around for my clothes. When I finally look over to him, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s perfectly formal again, a veritable J. Edgar Hoover poster.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So I smile just a little, and put on my clothes, while he tells his secretary that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ready to start taking calls again. And finally he ushers me out of the office, just like any other time; and as we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re standing there in the doorway, he tells me, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcWe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not finished with this, Agent Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Just like every other damn unpleasant meeting I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve ever had with him. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s perfect.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So I try to make myself look as sullen as I always do coming out of there, and I say, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t imagine we were. Sir.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 And off I go, trying to remember just what the hell I was doing before all this happened.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder shook himself and settled back against the side of the jacuzzi. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the end,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he told Alex. He reached around for the champagne; his mouth and throat were dry from talking.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n Alex leaned back, sighing. Now, that had been a beautiful fantasy\u00e2\u20ac\u201delegant, stylish, and so real he could easily believe it had really happened. Richly detailed and sensual. If you ever quit the Bureau, Mulder, you could make a living writing gay porn.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/em> But he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think that was quite what Mulder wanted to hear. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m jealous. Your fantasies are better than mine.<\/em> He almost giggled at that.<\/p>\n Mulder was sipping nervously at his champagne, obviously still embarrassed. So stop being silly, and tell the man what a fine fantasy he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d spun.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Wow, Mulder, that was really nice. Thank you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder smiled. Relief was evident on his face. And even more embarrassment. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure yours are much better.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex shook his head. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, that was really special. You practically wrote yourself a damn movie. I bet you worked really hard on that one.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Which just embarrassed Mulder further. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, I mean, it showed a lot of imagination. No wonder he\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex stopped abruptly. Damn it, he was babbling again. Damn champagne. And a growing case of terminal horniness wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t helping either. But Mulder still looked like he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d been run over by a truck, and Krycek was dead asleep. But another fantasy like that, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be putting on a one-man show for Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No wonder he what?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder seemed to be enjoying Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s flustered state.<\/p>\n So what the hell, let him enjoy it. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d earned it. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No wonder he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s crazy about you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And why he even wants to bother with me when he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got you here, I have no idea.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/em><\/p>\n Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s beautiful eyes widened, and his smile deepened with pleasure. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Thanks. But I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m willing to bet you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got some really good Skinner fantasies yourself.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nah. Mine are nothing special.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Skinner, sitting at his desk, looking up at him sternly, fingers steepled together, drawing out the long silence until Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s knees began to weaken.<\/em> Your behavior is unacceptable, Agent Krycek. \u00e2\u20ac\u201dYes, Sir. Trying to keep his voice even. Knowing what was coming next. Skinner standing, slowly, unbuckling his belt.<\/em> You know the drill, Agent Krycek. \u00e2\u20ac\u201dYes, Sir. Lowering his trousers as he walked over to the conference table, assuming the position.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/em> He felt himself redden. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just your classic schoolboy discipline scenario. You know, called on the carpet and bent over that conference table.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He giggled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That conference table sure gets some heavy fantasy use, doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it? And Skinner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s belt. I wonder if he knows how many imaginary faceprints are on that table? How many daydream butts have felt his belt come down?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder seemed to be relaxing, finally, his embarrassment softened by Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s own. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you think there are a lot? Besides ours, I mean.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex pulled his arm free\u00e2\u20ac\u201dhis shoulder was getting sore again\u00e2\u20ac\u201drubbing his wet body against Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like an affectionate cat to soften the retreat. So, if Krycek was a powerful hunting cat, Alex was a back-alley stray nobody wanted.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Pendrell in forensics, for sure.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201dA timid, bookish agent with a penchant for puns.<\/p>\n Mulder laughed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Overton in fingerprints.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d A thin, blustery man with a chip on his shoulder.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Dietrich in bank fraud.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Recently divorced, spent far too much time polishing his gun.<\/p>\n Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s smile faded slightly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have a Dietrich in bank fraud.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And why that should upset him so much, Alex didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know. Different universes, of course some of the personnel would be different. Dietrich was in a different division here, or another field office, or maybe he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never become an FBI agent at all. No big deal.<\/p>\n But it was just so damn easy to forget. Every damn time he got relaxed and comfortable\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand then something would come along to remind him. Not his world. Not his FBI. And not his Mulder.<\/p>\n Mulder gave his arm a friendly rub. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Maybe I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll ask for one of your Skinner fantasies for my next turn.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex tried to smile, but he felt his face grow tight. He couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite look at Mulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure, Mulder. If you want to waste your turn on it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, I know what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d really like to hear about, but.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You want the Montana story.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Of course. Mulder was fascinated by Alex and his Mulder, just as Alex was fascinated by Krycek and this Mulder. Two different universes, two different Kryceks and Mulders. Yet somehow, against all the odds, two pairs of lovers. A perfect fit of their sexual pathologies, Mulder had said. Not at all the way it was for him and his Mulder. Still, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d wound up in bed together, and it had been perfect in its own way, despite the lies and guilt and misconceptions and pain.<\/p>\n Mulder was watching him intently. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I would like that story. But only if it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not too hard for you to talk about. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want you to tell me if it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to upset you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex stared back. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If I were you, and you were him, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d make you tell it, wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His giggle sounded a little choked, even to himself. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make much sense, did it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re right. If I had something hurting me the way this is hurting you, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d make sure I told him all about it. Or, actually, I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to tell him. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d talk around it, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be observing me carefully\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe tone of my voice, little tell-tale reactions in my body, the things I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say\u00e2\u20ac\u201duntil he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d figured it all out. Then he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d tell it to me, in exquisite, shattering detail.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n There was a relish, a gleam in his eye, as he calmly related how Krycek would root out and expose all his most terrible secrets, that made Alex shiver. How could he bear it? To be stripped of all his defenses like that, his secret pain used and offered up for Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pleasure? Not only to bear it, but to invite it, to revel in it?<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder, why do you like that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The words were too rushed, too intense. He hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wanted it to seem that important.<\/p>\n But Mulder recognized the need in his question, and settled down to give him a serious answer. A slight frown creased his brow, and his lips pursed, as he considered it.<\/p>\n Not a flippant answer to avoid having to think about it. Not a surface explanation, tossing out the least he thought he could get away with. Not a frantic rush to escape the cause of his pain, as Alex would do. Nor Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Mulder, either, who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d clung to the convenient fiction that Alex was an inexperienced child, despite all evidence to the contrary. Where did this honesty, this brutal self-examination in this Mulder come from? Was it Krycek\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing, the result of those painfully intimate sessions, teaching him to face unflinchingly the dark places in his mind?<\/p>\n If so, here was part of his answer already\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe lessons he learned from Krycek were helping him to deal with the pain life had dealt him.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve thought about this a lot. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know if I have the answer, but I do have theories.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder settled in, shoulder pressing against Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s, his champagne glass in his hand. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153First of all, of course, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the pleasure of knowing that he controls me so completely that there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no part of me I can deny him. And that he knows me so well I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hide anything from him if I wanted to. Sometimes, I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help but try, and he catches me at it every time. So there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no need to worry about \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcShould I tell him this? Or that? What would he think if he knew\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 ?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Because I know he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have it all, if he wants it. I can just put myself into his hands, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll guide me through it, until I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m where he wants me.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s part of it, too\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthe confession. I know there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a terrible irony to casting him in the role of the father-confessor, but that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s how it feels. I tell him my sins, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 absolves me of them. Or perhaps it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s more like the role of psychiatrist to patient\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI reveal my secrets to him, and he shows me how to deal with them. He shows me my pain, makes me understand it, turns it into something we use for our pleasure, and then it loses its power to hurt me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n A hand touched Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chin. Alex nearly jumped; then forcefully held himself still as Mulder lifted his face to look at him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Is any of this making any sense?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex had to hold his breath a moment to stop the tears coming to his eyes. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah. Sure.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His voice was ragged and barely audible. He pulled his face away to stare into the water. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have it all, if he wants it.<\/em> That first time with Krycek, after he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d awakened from drugged sleep: You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in love with Mulder, aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you?\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t lie to me, Alex. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s stupid and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s counterproductive. \u00e2\u20ac\u201dI don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to tell him. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll figure it all out, and then he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll tell me.\u00e2\u20ac\u201d You couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even convince him that you weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t going to break like a piece of glass, let alone convince him to be a little rough with you.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/em><\/p>\n Yes, Krycek would have it all. Alex had no more ability than Mulder to deny him. But the pain didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t lose its power, it just got stronger, and sharper, and deeper, until it threatened to destroy him. Krycek couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make it go away, not with his cold, cruel words and his implacable insistence on the truth. Only with his hands; his fists and his cock, his whips and straps and plugs. Beat him and fuck him until his mind slipped away, into the warm dark of the Forever Place, where pain didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t exist and he could find a little peace.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you ever afraid of it?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Of course I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m afraid. Every time.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice had a puzzled note. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m terrified. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s part of the pain, and part of what makes it so good.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex shook his head helplessly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean that. Not afraid of telling him, afraid\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 it won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work. Afraid he won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be able to\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 absolve you, and the pain will still be there.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands slipped onto Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not like that for us. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s never failed me. I know that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not how it was for you, but it works for us. I trust him.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I want to. I try, but it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t work.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alex, you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to like the same things I like. He won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make you do anything you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to do. Not deliberately, anyway.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But, Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fists clenched in frustration. He should stop now. Why was he telling Mulder all this? Because he was too afraid to tell Krycek.<\/em> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I still have to trust him. Because he does have that power over me, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll have it whether I trust him or not, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just too unbearable for him to have it and not to trust him. I have to be able to take whatever he wants to do to me. I have to, Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder found the sore spot in Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s right shoulder and began to knead it with his thumbs. It was painful, and intimate, and good, and the feeling streaked through Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s whole body, down his spine and into his groin. There was a sudden release of tension, and with it the barrier against his tears, and they began to stream down his cheeks. He kept his head down, hoping Mulder wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t notice, and relaxed into the massage. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Unh. Thanks, Mulder.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He spoke in the barest whisper. He doubted Mulder could even hear him, but he couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t find his voice for anything more.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You need to talk to him,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said softly into his ear.<\/p>\n And Mulder was right, of course. He could go on about this all day, and it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do the least bit of good unless he told it to Krycek. And he was still too damned scared of the man, although less so after this morning\u00e2\u20ac\u201dKrycek had bought him a leather jacket. And then fucked him in it, bent over the couch with his hands tied behind his back, like a proper little slave. God, that had been good\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand all for Alex. Thank Krycek for that, anyway, tell him how good it had been, and then\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwell, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d see what happened after that.<\/p>\n And now, he owed Mulder another story.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay. Montana.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He took a deep breath and settled back against Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chest.<\/p>\n Mulder shifted around a little, and slid his arms around Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s waist. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you sure?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time I told somebody.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And be honest about it, like Mulder had been with his Skinner fantasy. Tell it all, and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t gloss over how it felt. And maybe, by the time Krycek got around to demanding it, it wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be quite so painful.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay, I told you about the first time. And after that, things were a little strained, but still okay. We worked a couple more cases, nothing special. We were still good working together\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthat wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t a problem. I was learning a lot from him, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI think he was beginning to count on me, to think of me as more than a pain-in-the-butt junior agent. I was trying real hard to forget about the fact that I was turning in reports on him to his enemies. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d changed sides after we slept together, but nobody knew that but me. I thought about it and thought about it, but I just couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think of anything better to do. I knew he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d hate me if I told him the truth. At the very least, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d refuse to work with me any longer. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d get reassigned and my boss would be pissed and they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just put somebody else in on Mulder anyway. If I tried to quit, same thing. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d pull me off Mulder and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d find out and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d lose him and for what? At least, if I stayed with him, I could try to help him. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d know if they were planning anything\u00e2\u20ac\u201dat least, I thought<\/em> I would\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand I could try to protect him. So I went on with it. But I was determined not to sleep with him any more. I knew that was wrong. And for a month or so, that was how it went.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Then Mulder got called in on this serial murder case. Guy out in Montana called the Kafka Killer\u00e2\u20ac\u201ddid you have him here?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153No.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice was soft and friendly in his ear. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not yet, anyway. What was his signature?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex took a deep breath. This was hard, too. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never worked a serial case before, and never wanted to again, for all that Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d kept telling him he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be good at it. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d take these women and cut them up, slowly, with hundreds\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthousands\u00e2\u20ac\u201dof cuts all over their bodies. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d tie them naked to this rack he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d built and slice them into hamburger. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d die maybe eight hours into it, from blood loss and shock.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d His stomach began to ache. The photographs of the victims swam in front of his eyes.<\/p>\n He cleared his throat and gave himself a little shake. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want me to go with him. I was too green, I hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t had the Behavioral Sciences training, he figured I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d just get freaked and I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be any help anyway. And he was absolutely right. But I wanted to go, and Skinner wanted me to go, and my other boss wanted me to go, so I went. We arrived in Montana in the early afternoon, and spent the rest of the day with the Bozeman chief of detectives, looking at case reports and crime scene photos and talking to the local cops. And I felt so useless. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what questions to ask, I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what to look for. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even want to hear about the killings, much less try to figure out who the guy was who was doing them.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It just tore me up inside, Mulder. Just looking at the photograph of the latest victim\u00e2\u20ac\u201dnot the crime photo, the picture of her as she was, before. She was a Native American woman. She reminded me of that woman, Marilyn, on Northern Exposure.<\/em> She seemed gentle, and good-natured. Somebody who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never had a bad thought in her life. She was a schoolteacher. Her students loved her. And she was just out there, living her life, not hurting anybody, and she ends up on some goddamn meat rack being carved up by a psycho, just because she walked her dog in the wrong place at the wrong time.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And then he was sobbing too hard to talk any more.<\/p>\n Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s arms tightened around him. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all right, Alex. You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to tell me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex wiped roughly at his face and swallowed his sobs. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m all right. I can do it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Jesus, he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even made it to the sex. It had just all happened so fast. Horrors piled on top of horrors, and never time to deal with one before the next one happened. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d damn near forgotten about the Kafka Killer, with everything else that had happened. But it was all fresh in his mind when he called it up.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anyway,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he continued, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We had dinner at this local steakhouse, only I was too sick to eat, and then we went back to our hotel. It was already late, so I just took off my shoes and lay down to read a little bit, to try to relax before I went to bed.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He laughed shortly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d bought The Silence of the Lambs<\/em> at the airport newsstand in D.C. Not exactly the best choice.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Our rooms had a connecting door, and pretty soon Mulder was knocking on it. He had the case files, said he wanted to go over some things. I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really want to look at it any more, but I let him in anyway. I was determined to handle it, to be whatever help to him I could. So we talked a little about the case. He had all the autopsy reports. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s when he springs on me this little gem\u00e2\u20ac\u201dall the victims were menstruating at the time of their deaths.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He had to stop again, but tried to cover it with a sip of champagne and another piece of chocolate. And damn, couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t chocolate like this make just about any situation better? Mulder stroked his chest and waited. Alex guided Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand to his nipple, and left it caressing the round nub while he went on with his story. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I really freaked at that. I mean, I know it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a perfectly normal biological function and all, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just not something I want to have to know a whole lot about. And it was just too gruesome to think about some serial killer guy, out there hunting down bleeding women, to make them bleed more.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder was trying to calm me down. And one thing he said was something about, hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t I had girlfriends? Because whenever you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re with a woman for more than three weeks, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s something you have to deal with. And I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what to say. Because, yeah, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had sex with women before, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not a total virgin, but I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really had a regular girlfriend since high school.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He grinned over his shoulder at Mulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And I was a perfect gentleman<\/em> in high school. The parents all loved me, I never groped their daughters. They didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what I was doing with their sons.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anyway, so I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m just sitting there, and Mulder suddenly gets it. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not some scared little straight boy having a homosexual panic over getting laid by my partner. So he goes for it again. But all gentle and sweet and undemanding. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI want you. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think it has to be a bad thing,\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 he says. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcYou tell me, Alex. Stay or go.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I told him to stay. I shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have, I know that. I knew it then. But it had just been such a goddamn awful day. I felt like total, useless nothing. I just wanted him to fuck me. And he did. But slow and gentle.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Like you were the most precious thing in the entire world.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/em><\/p>\n Pain stabbed through him. And he was skipping parts of it, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d better back up. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153First we just lay together on the bed with our clothes on, kissing and holding each other, like a couple of high school kids.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He managed to smile at that\u00e2\u20ac\u201dgod, Mulder was so sweet. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Then he put his fingers between my legs and said, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcI want to be inside you. Will you let me?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 \u00e2\u20ac\u009d He felt this Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands tighten on him. Yes, that was one of the things you did,<\/em> he thought. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I asked if he had any condoms, and he pulled one out of his coat pocket.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He giggled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Damn fool came prepared. He had the lube, too. He knew what he wanted, all right. Guess it was better than getting to that point and having to make a quick dash for a drugstore. But I felt like\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know, like I was being swept up by the tide of the inevitable. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d become one of Fox Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s obsessions, and I might as well lie back and enjoy it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He was starting to get silly about it, which meant his mind was refusing to deal with it any more. And he hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even finished the first night. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry, Mulder. Anyway, so I let him strip me. He was so sweet about it all, like he was being terribly forward to presume to want to put his cock in me. He even asked whether I wanted it front or back. It was obvious enough that he wanted me from behind, and anyway, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s how I like it, so I rolled over onto my stomach.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153He was still being so gentle I could barely stand it. It was clear he still thought I was some sort of inexperienced innocent, or at least he wanted to think so, because he was being all gentle and firm and guiding me along.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He drew a deep breath, and hesitated for a moment. Should he tell Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 ? But of course he should. Tell him everything, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d decided. Especially the hard parts, the embarrassing parts. Especially how Mulder made him feel.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulder, I know I told you my Mulder wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t into the rough stuff. And it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s true, there weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t any whips and chains, no classic S\/M moves. But there was a definite dom\/sub thing going on with us. He really liked being in control, running the show. He definitely wanted his cock up my ass, and he wanted me just lying there under him, letting him fuck me. He liked playing the older, wiser, more experienced partner\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwhether it was true or not\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand he really wanted to think of me as a scared little virgin he had to coddle along. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not sure how much of it he knew was game, how much he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d managed to convince himself was real, but I know he was really getting off on it.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And I loved it. It made me crazy. It made me melt into a little puddle of mush. I love being controlled like that\u00e2\u20ac\u201dgentle and sweet\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit makes me feel taken care of and protected. I love the rough stuff, too, but I love it best when I can get both together. You know\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He turned around and draped his arms around Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulders, smiled a sweet and knowing smile, then murmured into his ear, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153 \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcBe good now, and lie still, while I give you your spanking. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be afraid, you know it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s for your own good.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 \u00e2\u20ac\u009d Then he released the red-faced Mulder with a giggle, and leaned into him again.<\/p>\n He sighed. He just couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help it, the defenses were too strong and too ingrained to keep down for long. Krycek could knock them down if he wanted, but Mulder wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even try. So just finish the first night, and then let it go. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Okay, so Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got me on my stomach on the bed, and he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s rubbing my back and kissing my neck and getting me ready. And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m loving it\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbut I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m also hating myself because I know it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrong. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be so angry if he knew. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never forgive me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And now he does know, doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he? And he won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ever forgive.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/em> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And he fucked me. And I lay there and cried while he did it. He kissed the tears off my cheeks, and came before he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d barely got started. He asked me if I wanted to fuck him, but I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do it. It just seemed like that much more of a betrayal, and I could at least avoid doing that to him. He didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really want it, anyway, he was just asking to be polite. Then\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 he pulled me onto my side, and curled up behind me, and took my cock in his hand, and slid his thumb into me, and finished me. It was so good, Mulder, and I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know why, but being thumb-fucked by him felt so damned good.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He sat up, abruptly, and turned to look at Mulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t ever do that to me, okay, Mulder? I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d die.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder nodded solemnly.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So then he wanted to spend the night. I was afraid someone would see us together, but he went and messed up his bed, and put the Do Not Disturb signs on the doors, and put in a wakeup call for six A.M., so I let him sleep with me in my bed. And he slept like a log, while I lay there the whole night, so damn worried about Fox Mulder and my damned other job, I forgot all about the godawful case.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n Alex reached for his champagne and downed the entire nearly-full glass in one gulp. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sorry, Mulder, I have to stop now. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll tell you the rest of it later. I just can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do it any more.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder slid his arms around Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s waist and gave him a solid hug. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s okay. You didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to tell me any of it. But thank you for telling me what you did.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He kissed the back of Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s neck.<\/p>\n And it was too bad Mulder was so wiped out from his session with Krycek, Alex thought, because he could really use a good working-over right now. Never mind. He wriggled around until he was half in Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s lap, then he wrapped his arms around him, put his head on Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder, and closed his eyes.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n Mulder held him tight, stroking his slick back, pulling him farther into his lap, murmuring soothing nonsense into his ear. Alex sighed, relaxing into it, so sweet, so warm and soft and wet, with the water gently burbling around them, bouying up his weight, so that he was almost floating. He felt small and safe and so well taken care of that it was a little while before he really began to listen to what Mulder was saying, to recognize the game in his voice, the edge of playful humor. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be afraid, little boy,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder said softly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Everything will be all right. Uncle will take care of you.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex giggled and squirmed, trying to make himself smaller, gripping Mulder tightly, pressing his face into the hollow of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ooh, Uncle. That feels good. Make it better, Uncle, please.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He could feel Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s grin against his hair. The arm around his back slid down over his hip, tantalizingly near the crack between his buttocks, then along his thigh. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hush, now, be good. Be a good boy for Uncle.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s breath had gone ragged, and his hips twitched under Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand. His cock stood up in the swirling water, hot and hard, already stimulated from the tease of the fantasies, and the closeness of Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s slick hard body, streaming and delicious as the flesh of a fine ripe peach. And now, from the special honeyed charge of this game, his secret delight, one that could still make him blush and stammer and helplessly melt. He was already on the brink.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be good,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he whispered hotly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Make me be good, Uncle.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n The hand slid now into his lap, fingers threading through the wet hair over his groin, teasing circles around his belly button, lightly touching the base of his cock. Alex jerked uncontrollably in his hands. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, Uncle! Feels so good.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Baby Alex likes that, hmm?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s voice was a gruff parody of a dirty old man\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s. It sent stabbing pulses of heat through Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mmm.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex opened his mouth on Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder, sucked eagerly at the wet skin. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Baby Alex.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The words were another hot lick at his cock, briefly stopping his attempt to speak. He spread his legs, trying to rub his balls against Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s thigh. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Wants it, Uncle. Wants it bad.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mulder slid his hand under, and took Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s balls in his hand, rolling and squeezing them. His hand moved back, fingering Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s anus. Alex struggled, pinned by Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s other arm and the water\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s resistance, trying to thrust into it, his helplessness only feeding his need. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So good.\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all right, baby,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder soothed. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Uncle will give you what you need.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Then, finally, his hand gripped Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cock, and stroked \u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/p>\n And Alex yelped, and came hard, thrusting desperately into Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hand, arms tight around his neck, semen streaming away into the swirling water.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n He held on until the last of the spasms faded away, then settled back into the water at Mulder\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s side with a satisfied groan. Mulder grinned at him, and he grinned back. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Alex growled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s how I like it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mulder chuckled and slid a friendly arm around Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s shoulder.<\/p>\n Alex could hear his own Mulder whisper, It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all right. I just want to make you feel good.<\/em> And, You need something to help you relax,<\/em> as he slid onto Alex\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s back, preparing once again to take him.<\/p>\n Alex stared into the water. Montana. A special time, a special circumstance. Four short days that would never happen again. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s how I like it.<\/em><\/p>\n Back to Day Three<\/a> | Continue to Day Five<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" ADULTS ONLY Contains explicit male\/male sex, BDSM, and disturbing themes. Pairing: Mulder\/Krycek\/Krycek Summary: Alex Krycek finds himself face-to-face with another version of himself in an alternate universe\u00e2\u20ac\u201da very dangerous and seductive Alex Krycek. Alex quickly realizes he may not live to see the morning, much less ever return to his own world. 1999 Disclaimer: The […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-125","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ratandfox.net\/ff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/125","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ratandfox.net\/ff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ratandfox.net\/ff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ratandfox.net\/ff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ratandfox.net\/ff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=125"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.ratandfox.net\/ff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/125\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ratandfox.net\/ff\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}