“Years ago when I was a student in New York, I had the opportunity of studying with Stella Adler. Very early on, she had me do a scene from Zoo Story, the Edward Albee play. Well, she just ripped my balls off. I couldn’t even get out of bed the next day. But she did say one funny thing. She said, ‘Dahling, you’re not ready for realism.'”
– Bill Paxton

A couple of college boys sneak into a mortician’s warehouse to steal tires. While there, they spy the mortician conducting a strange ritual with a circle of robed and hooded women. One of the boys disappears, along with the other’s van. What is behind these ominous events? Who is the mysterious figure who threatens the townsfolk at night?

Galumphing along like Friday the 13th on drugs, Mortuary is the Horror Movie Without a Clue, scattering plot threads like bread crumbs, leaving logic gaps far and wide, and clumsily stepping all over its own toes every time it tries to build tension or create a shock. It fails so wildly and enthusiastically, it’s a total kick.

Bill plays Paul Andrews, the mortician’s son, a Boy With Problems. Paul works in the mortuary and has a crush on his classmate’s girlfriend. Clearly, no good will come of this. Overacting with maniacal glee, our Bill takes every horror movie cliché he can get his hands on and runs right over the edge with it. He is a joy to behold. I shrieked every time he appeared on the screen, from sheer astonishment.

Bill’s a geek! Bill’s a geek! Not only that, he’s a psycho geek! Not only that, he’s a scenery-chewing, over-the-top psycho geek!


Four Plan 9 From Outer Space flying saucers.

Dead or Alive?