So tired of being tired
I give up on the haiku, temporarily at least. My mind refuses to think in 5,7,5. I’ve been so tired lately—mentally as well as physically. Probably more mentally. I seem to have lost my happy. It occurs to me that I might have stopped taking the antidepressants too soon—I’ve gone back to being vaguely grumpy and dissatisfied with the world, and I can’t seem to get out of it. I thought perhaps it was because I’d stopped taking my vitamins for a week or so when I ran out, but I’ve started taking them and it’s not really making a difference. I’m not depressed, I don’t think, I’m just not really happy. And I was happy before—I’d often find myself smiling just because the sky was blue and everything seemed right with the world. Now, I’m back to running the old tapes—I’m too fat, the house is dirty, I’m not getting anything done. I think I need to start meditating again. I also need to start doing things—but it’s kind of a vicious circle. I’m too tired to do anything, so I sit on my butt and feel bad because I’m not doing anything.
Well. I’ve been neglecting my organizer lately. I guess I’ll start writing in the day’s chores, and see if I can’t get back into my routine again.
It’s supposed to be cooling down a little this weekend. Low 80s during the day and mid-50s at night. That will be nice for Sunday, when I do my 12-mile run.
I’m also feeling tired of all the disruption on LJ. Just when the latest race discussion was dying down, LJ erupted again over the permanent suspension of (at least) two people’s journals because of “obscene” art posted in an HP fiction/art community. The artwork, in both places, was considered against the TOS because it involved minors—one was Harry/Snape, the other Fred/George—even though the characters were drawn looking like older teenagers/young adults, and couldn’t conclusively have been said to be minors. They also said, in an email which was posted in comments to the LJ news feed, that they knew the art wasn’t illegal, they were judging it to be obscene by the Miller Test, and declaring it to be of “no serious artistic value.” So the LJ abuse team are art critics now.
I’m thoroughly disgusted. The artists involved were given no warning, no opportunity to delete or lock down the images in question, their journals were suspended permanently, and they were told they could never have accounts on LJ again.
I have been getting gradually more and more annoyed by the situation, until I think I’ve just made myself thoroughly angry now. The way LJ has been acting, no one can feel safe there posting any kind of erotic art or fiction. It only takes one click of the “report abuse” button by someone with a grudge, one team of amateur art critics to decide your work has no artistic value, and your journal is gone forever, with no recourse.
I think I’ve had it with LJ. I’m taking my toys and leaving.
This is my grape ivy, which my Mom just brought down. She grew this whole, bushy, beautiful plant from a cutting off my dying grape ivy. I’ve had the original plant since high school—it was a gift from a friend—and it’s been regrown from cuttings several times since. She’s been wanting to bring it back to me for a while, but I told her she had to start another one from a cutting before she did, because I’m afraid I’ll kill it again and I don’t want to lose it altogether! I love this plant and I’m glad to have it back. I hope I can remember to water it often and feed it every once in a while, and keep it alive for another thirty years.
